Friday, January 13, 2017

​ Saying Goodbye




In a week's time us Americans will be saying goodbye to one President and saying hello to a new one. We all hope that the transition will be a smooth one. However, we also know that some transitions can be messy. Inevitably there will be some growing pains. That being said, as painful as it may be there is no denying that we must transition. 

Since as a nation we are going through changes it is only fitting that I too am going through some personal changes. This month I've started saying goodbye to President Obama as well as bid-ing adieu to my facial hair. You see, on the first week of this month I started electrolysis treatments with the goal of permanently removing my facial hair. The facial hair removal announcement on my Facebook page sparked a number of emails and personal messages from folks wondering if this meant that I may be transitioning into becoming a trans woman.

This prompted me to make an announcement about, well, there not really being a need for me to make an announcement whether I may or may not be transitioning into a trans woman.




I understand that because I have over 19,400 subscribers on YouTube, and some folks have expressed their admiration and respect for me as well as having similar sensabilites than I, that they be questioning if they too should be taking the steps I'm taking. Some girls have messaged me and expressed that they want to start HRT at the same time as myself so as to go through the journey together.

One girl said:

And another girl said:





Those, and many more, are all very nice messages and I cherish them and the folks that send them. However, if you are thinking of transitioning then I believe it's something you need to do for yourself and NOT because someone else is doing it. You have to take a look deep inside. You have to have possibly a painful and honest conversation with yourself and THEN take the necessary steps to make your dreams a reality regardless of the steps someone else is taking.  Sure, it's always nice to have a partner in crime along the way, but I believe it's all about the timing.  Do it when you are ready.  Don't wait for someone else.

In addition, I believe "transitioning" is like taking a Metaphorical Gender Train. A gender train with many stops along the way. If you are on this train with a trusty fellow gender bender there is the posibility that you might both get off at different stops along the way since Gender is a Spectrum. 



Personally, I've seen but most importantly FELT deep within me a pull towards one direction.  I've been on the Gender Train since the mid-to-late 90's when I first started crossdressing.  I never imagined that I'd be where I am today and to be perfectly honest I have no idea at what stop I'll get off the train.  I just know that I MUST TAKE and AM on this gender journey of personal discovery.


I took this quiz two years ago and I got Pangender, I took it again 
today (11-25-2016) and got Gender Fluid. Tomato, tomato. 



In conclusion, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the journey with me.  But I ask one little thing, please, please, please do for YOU what YOU think is best in your life.  All I can do as the Gender Train moves along the tracks is describe the fast moving images I see out the window.

I am thrilled to be on this journey, but most importantly I am honored to have you as part of my transition team.

Much love to you on your journey.






A look back at my Gender and Sexuality Journey: 

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Conquering Your Fears, Dive in


​ You are standing paralyzed filled with doubt, filled with fear. You stare at the deep end of the pool wondering if you should jump in. You lift your gaze to meet the eyes of the lifeguard on duty. Your eyes go back to the water. It looks peaceful and calm. "I could really make a splash" you think to yourself. Hmm, but at your feet, in bright red paint, as to subconsciously symbolize a Stop Sign, you read "No Diving." Your eyes turn back to the lifeguard. He gives you a look as if saying "don't even think about it man." Every instinct, every bone in your body is screaming out "do it, do it, DIVE IN,  it'll be FUN." But something is holding you back. What is it?

Since 2013 I have been performing Male-to-Female makeovers on private clients here in New York City. Many of my clients come from out of town. Recently a potential client emailed me. He is flying into town and has reservations about going through with the Male-to-Female makeover.

Below is an excerpt of our email communication.

CLIENT: My only hesitation at the moment is that I have just started seeing a new girlfriend who I really like, and although I know Kristina is an alter ego side of me, having a makeover like this makes me feel guilty for some reason. Idk why

AMNESIA: Yep, I've heard that before from a girl that was in a similar situation as you. She decided not to go through with the makeover and as soon as she returned to the West Coast she instantly regretted her decision not to go through with the makeover. A lot of my girls first have to feel the heavy weight of regret before they start living life on their own terms. It's a theme with many of my girls. That's why I never pressure my girls, I just let them make the decisions they think are best for them even if they may cause themselves pain.
Keep me posted
xoxo
-A

CLIENT: Well said. That's the hardest part, knowing I will regret it because I love makeovers, and getting one from you has always been a dream. Part of me feels like getting one while in a relationship will taint it but if this relationship lasts it's unrealistic to believe I won't get another one again because I enjoy it too much.

AMNESIA: Hmmm, I guess the question then is: how would YOU getting a makeover directly affect the person you're dating?

CLIENT: Great question, would not at all (unless she found out which would be impossible). It is more mental in my case I guess. Almost makes me feel like I'd be cheating. But I know this is a part of me that I can't just ignore forever.

AMNESIA: Are you feeling this way because she in the past has expressed disapproval of Crossdressers or because you assume she will have a problem with you dressing from time to time?

CLIENT: I assume she wouldn't be into it. Also, there's no denying the fact that dressing up is a sexual thrill for me, but part of the thrill is the fact that no one knows and it can be an escape from my normal self (that I prefer being 95% of time). CD and TS deff turn me on but from exploring in the past it's something that turns me on fantasy wise but when push comes to shove I way rather prefer dressing on my own (do love compliments on pics of course).

AMNESIA: Sounds like you're ok continuing to dress on your own so there is no need for a makeover is there? If there is no need for a makeover then there is no dilemma right? And you can use your time in the city this weekend doing other things you enjoy right? Like buying your girl a souvenir.
I'm good at solving problems aren't I? ;-)

CLIENT: Haha. Oh but I no longer have the necessary supplies to dress on my own, plus have found the investment of a professional one is well worth the price! So problem not quite solved lol

These are some of the dilemmas that are best discussed over a phone conversation of course and not through email.

The above is yet another reason I feel I must launch the personal Skype TALK Sessions soon. The service is not yet ready to go LIVE but at least we have the cover page ready

Everyone grows at their own rate. I know this because there have been instances where I get an email from a client and it takes them a whole year to build up the courage to go ahead and book a makeover with me.

Fear is a hell of an emotion and state of mind that all of us have to conquer on our own. That being said, if there is one thing I've seen over and over again with my clients, by looking into their eyes at the end of a session, is that many of them say to me "I don't know why I was so afraid. I should have done this years ago."

I won't push you in the pool, but I will say that it is super fun to jump in. When you're ready, come in. The water's fine.