Monday, May 15, 2017

20 Years of Amnesia

​20 yeas ago today my femme persona Amnesia Sparkles was born, but first...

One sassy Mouseketeer

I was born in Montevideo, Uruguay in 1979.

Holding a lollipop as if I was applying lipstick 

I was assigned male at birth but as far back as I remember I always felt somewhat feminine inside.

Crossing my legs like a lady from an early age.

My older brother was into soccer, I was into drawing and pretty much anything artsy. I remember sitting next to mother while we enjoyed fashion shows on TV, a much more enjoyable pastime than getting all sweaty on the soccer field.

Making a boy pose with a soccer ball does not 
automatically make him masc. 

I grew up in the 1980s. This means my brother was into G.I. Joe and I was into He-man...but I secretly wanted to play with Barbies. Lucky for me He-Man had a twin sister named She-Ra. Both of them had alter-egos, something that looking back I'm guessing, my subcounsious unknowingly gravitated torwards.

You can imagine my delight when on my 7th birthday my parents gave me a She-Ra action figure! Sure, it was no Barbie but at least I could start living out and expressing my internal female emotions through her.

The look of utter joy while holding a She-Ra 
action figure on my 7th birthday

Let us skip the painful puberty years, with the relentless teasing from other boys because my legs were unable to grow hair.  I guess I was a late bloomer?

The serious eyes of a 12 year old

Let us flash forward to my teen years.

Growing out my hair at age 14

As most crossdressers do, I used Halloween as an excuse to express my internal female emotions without fear of judgement. One year I dressed as the archetype sideshow half man half woman. The next year I found the courage to go all female and dressed similar to Wendy from Peter Pan in her night gown. It was cute and something that would garner a laugh, but for me it was an excuse to again express the female emotions I had inside.

My last year in High School would bring with it a couple of life changing experiences.  Some were thrilling and some were very challenging for a 17-18 year old.

In 1997 during my Senior year in a South Florida High School, Student Council for the very first time held a "Crossdressing Beauty Pageant" as a fund raiser.  The short version of the story is that I entered and won the damn thing.  I even walked away with the title of "Best Legs."  I guess this time my smooth legs worked towards my advantage.  The pageant that year was called the Ms. Thang Pageant.  Later they would change the name to the Miss Her-cules Pageant.

My sposor and friend Diana and I after winning

The prior year I had come out of the closet about liking boys to a lesbian named Harvest.  I lived a double life for a while.  I was OUT about my sexual orientation in school but I was very much in the closet at home.  All that changed my senior year when one weekend while I was at my cousin's house some jerk called my house in the middle of the night.  My mother picked up the phone and the jerk proceeded to tell her that her son was a "faggot."  When I got home my mother confronted me and after many tears she told me she still loved me and that I was still her son.

Posing with my girls from Spanish class 
after winning the crown

Being that my mother went to beauty school I decided to ask her to help me win the Crossdressing Beauty Pageant.  We went shopping and got a dress at the Lord and Taylor discount store, a cheap wig at a thrift shop, and some hideous shoes at Payless.  My mother even did my makeup the night of the Pageant.  For all the silly things I held against her while I was growing up she more than made up for it by helping me win my first beauty pageant.  If only more mothers had that level of unconditional love.  She, in my eyes, is the real winner.

My little sister stares at my legs outside the auditorium 
after I won the crown

It took more than my mother's help for me to win that night.  I always credit my friend and pageant sponsor Diana for helping me come up with the name Amnesia.  That alone is a fun story for another blog.  The short version is that when I said to Diana that my femme self's personality was a bit like Goldie Hawn in the show Laugh-in, and that it wasn't that I had a dumb femme side but more like I'm a blonde that forgets things, Diana said "Like she has AMNESIA?"  BINGO!

You must understand and remember that in 1997, when the pageant took place, there was no YouTube where gender fluid folks like myself could see ourselves represented.  Sure, Rupaul had already made a splash in pop culture and Ellen had just come out of the closet on her show a few weeks prior, but for a low graded High School to hold a crossdressing beauty pageant where folks like myself could express our inner femme-self in front of our peers was incredibly progressive.  The fact that the auditorium was filled with my classmates cheering-me-on AND the faculty's duty that night was to pick the winner, gives you a glimpse of the magic that took place that evening.

Oh, and you want to know one more crazy thing?  Guess who got the runner up title?  My ex-boyfriend at the time took the runner-up title!  There were only three known contestants that didn't identify as heterosexual,  me, my ex, and one other contestant.  All the other contestants in the pageant were macho basketball and football players playing dress-up for laughs.  I like to believe that the faculty, who judged the pageant that night, recognized our struggle and rewarded our bravery of going in front of our peers to show, with confidence, the femme-self we had kept deep inside.  What they did as a community was more beautiful than any pageant contestant that night.

My ex-boyfriend during the evening gown portion of the pageant

My mother cried tears of joy that night seeing her little "girl" win and be accepted by the community. My father and my then ten year old sister who were in the audience as well looked at me with a spark of pride in their eyes even under the unusual circumstances.

It was then I realized that the world, as ugly as it may seem sometimes, can offer you brief moments of humanity's beauty, kindness, and acceptance.  I will forever be grateful for that magical night and the folks that made it a reality.

But that was just the beginning.

Amnesia Sparkles 2017

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Penis, Vagina, or Both?

Self portrait Aug'06. Me and Me on Me.

​ Are you or someone you know struggling or have struggled with coming to terms with your sexual orientation or gender identity?

Recently I received a message on Instagram and it touched me so much that I felt compeled to write this blog post.

​ A cis (biological) girl sent me the following:

​ Hey my name is D and my ex boyfriend Chris E. follows you. He is a closet cross dresser and only I know his secret and unfortunately it's what caused us to break up. He thought he might be gay or bisexual so I became his best friend to try and help him figure out what works best for him becuse I love him with every ounce of my person and I want him to be happy. He told me that he's been suppressing it since he was 15 and when I helped him tell his parents, they weren't accepting so...

​ He's trying to suppress those feelings again by being with another girl. I once tried to do his makeup because he has a wig and it made him so happy and I was wondering how I could have you help him feel beautiful and happy again!

​ I truly believe this is what makes him happy and since this girl came in the picture he has come over to wear some of my stuff! He also looks amazing in heels! Would you be able to help me help him?

​ I am on a number of Social Media platforms, Instagram, Flikr, Facebook, and Youtube. Naturally I get a lot of messages from awesome folks wanting to chat, wanting advice, and/or get to know me better. Unfortunatly because of time constraints I can't do a back and forth with everyone this is why I hope to launch the Gender Fun Skype Sessions soon. I'm still working on the logistics such as scheduling appointments, and honestly finding the time in my busy schedule.

​ The reason I wanted to address the above message from D is because she is touching on two very important struggles gender-benders (crossdressers) face when they are in the closet: that of gender identity and sexual orientaiton.

​ I've been conducting Male-to-Female makeovers for the past four years and this is a personal struggle we talk about while my client is in the makeup chair.

​ Before they enter my studio I have my client fill out a questionnaire. Questions focus on how tall they are, shoe size, weight, what hair color is their favorite, their style, whether they've had other makeovers, are in or out of the closet etc.

​ At the very end of the questionnaire I include some optional question. Some girls fill it out and others leave it blank. These questions tell me a lot about my client's inner workings when it comes to their sexual orientation and gender identity, and especially about their boundaries.

​ The following questions are optional:

​ Do you like being treated as a naughty girl?
Curious to try it

​ Do you like it when your skirt is lifted and you are spanked?
Curious to try it

​ Do you enjoy playing with your breast in front of the mirror?
Curious to try it

​ Do you like it when someone plays with your breasts?
Curious to try it

​ Do you get aroused when wearing women's clothes?

​ Have you ever ejaculated while wearing panties?

​ Have you fantasized of having a lesbian experience as your girl self?

​ Have you fantasized of kissing a man while as your girl self?

​ Have you fantasized of kissing another cross dresser while as your girl self?

​ You see, I like to learn about my client's boundaries before they step foot into my studio. I pride myself in creating a "judge free zone." My studio is a "safe space" where no topic is off limit. I also respect my client's "personal space." If they are shy and are not comfortable with somoene else touching their bodies such as me ajusting their bra then I know they would rather be treated like a lady.

Some of my clients on the other hand are a bit more playful and free spirited so they don't mind me seeing them wearing only a bra and panties. Some even get erections while I do their makeup.  That's totally normal.

That being said just because a "guy" likes to crossdress doesn't mean he is not a lady inside. Not all crossdressers want to dress like and be sluts...although that is fun too.

​ Going back to the topic of sexual orientation. I'm going to try to make this as simple as possible. Please forgive me if it comes across as crass.

Sexuality is not simply Gay and Straight 

Sexuality is a spectrum 

especially when you combine gender identity and gender expression.

​ This is what I learned from my clients.

I'm going to try to explain the following without using terms such as gay, straight, bi etc.

​- All my clients have penises.

- ALL of my clients enjoy having sex with women that have a vagina.

-The majority of my clients have told me that they are NOT attracted to cis guys, meaning individuals that display masculinity and have penises.

- However, some of my clients are attracted to guys that have a penis if
a) the guy is dressed like a woman (a crossdresser)
b) if the guy is dressed like a guy but my client is dressed like a woman

- The majority of my clients, if not all of them, are attracted to trans women (pre or post op)

- ​Almost 100% of my clients are not attracted to gay men, unless it's a gay man dressed like a woman.

- ​A common theme amongst many of my clients is that unlike your "traditional straight guy" who is grossed out by a penis, some of my clients don't mind getting intimate with someone who has a penis, especially if the person with a penis is displaying feminine traits such as Trans women or crossdressers.

​ My point is that many crossdressers are open to their partners having a penis OR a vagina.

In fact, if their partner wasn't born with a penis (cis woman), some of my clients would be open to their cis woman partner wearing a strap-on and flip flopping during sex. To many of my clients that would be ideal while they are dressed as women.  However, because many cis women don't have experience topping their boyfriends or husbands its usually the cis woman that says no.

A guy that is into being penetrated is not limited to those who enjoy dressing like a woman.  There are plenty of men out there that don't enjoy dressing as women but yet have discovered that their G spot is found in their anus and enjoy it when they are penetrated.  This is clear from reading the comments in my video "Straight Men Who Love Femininity"

Of course the pleasure goes beyond being penetrated.  It can also be about being dominant or submissive.  Traditionally speaking men are dominant and women are submissive in bed.  There is a good number of men who enjoy being submissive in bed.   After all, these men are, on a daily bases, Alfa males or are expected to be Alfa males, so it's a delight for them to let go completely when they are sexual with a partner.  Women don't need to penetrate their boyfriends or husbands but they might be surprised how well their partners will react if they were the dominant ones.

At the end of the day I think society has some catching up to do when it comes to understanding men who were assigned male at birth but who also enjoy both penises and vaginas, being dominant and being submissive...especially when it comes to back door action.

I believe little by little men will start owning the fact that they enjoy being penetrated and women will start learning and enjoying penetrating the men they love.

Monday, May 1, 2017

Newsletter April

Hi Dearest reader,

How are you?

Here is the latest news on our end:

In the month of April we blogged about :

1. Do you want to know a secret about the male-to-female makeovers I give my clients?  
Read blog post click HERE

2. What was your FIRST CAR, and what do you drive NOW?
Read blog post click HERE

Me and Jennifer outside TC's bar in Houston 2016

3. Do you think the term Cis Gender is silly?  Here is a reason why it is important.
Read blog post click HERE

4. What is the issue many have with Caitlyn Jenner?
Read blog post click HERE

In a cab after I gave a MTF makeover to one of my girl's from Spain 
as we head to a Manhattan bar to party   

In April we did  8 Male-to-Female makeovers.  Many of the girls are deep in the closet so we can't show you all of them.  However, a few of the girls are out and we will be able to bring you pics of them soon as we select the best ones to publish.  They all looked amazing! 

For more info on male-to-female makeovers 
click HERE

On my 38th birthday in April I got my ears pierced.  
Read the story click HERE

click HERE

Latest video clips.  
To watch click HEREHERE, and HERE 

The Facebook Gender Fun community SPEAKS!
Learn what the community is talking about.
Request the Questions Directory (as seen in above screenshot) 
Email us at

Request the over 9000 word Travel Log
of our 17 day 2016 Crossdressing Cross Country Trip
Email us at

To read all newsletters click HERE

Thank you so much for your ongoing support.

Adrian L Acosta

Amnesia Sparkles

The latest Gender Fun: