Are you familiar with the expression "Look Dad, No Hands?" This is usually what a child says when riding a bike while not holding on to the handlebars. He's so excited, scared, and proud of himself that he can't help show off to his father or mother. It's the ultimate childhood achievement, conquering fear and danger. We are still kids at the time so naturally we want our parents to see us and hopefully approve of our triumph/s.
I can't help but to think of that same child's excitement, terror, and need of approval, when I watch videos of crossdressers who have filmed themselves shopping alone. "LOOK, NO HANDS! I've finally ventured OUT into the real world! And as much as I tell myself I don't care what other people think of me I'm still a bit, if not a lot, scared of someone being mean to me."
I belive it's this deep underlying fear from which part of the thrill arises.
I'm no stranger to being filmed while out and about. So I know a thing or two about the thrill that comes with being in femme outside.
At first it does feel scary and thrilling, but once you take the fear out of the equation it gets soooo much better and way more fun.
A while back I wrote a post about How To Crossdress in Public. Read it click HERE
What have your outdoor femme experiences been like? Tell us all about it.
Recently I got an email, from someone who will remain nameless, who had less than favorable things to say about crossdressers.
This person said, among other things, such things as
"Crossdresseres are liars, cheaters, selfish, horny attention seekers, which have a narrow view of womanhood. They try to justify their poor behavior under the guise of exploring their gender identity. Most crossdressers must be women because if they were real men they wouldn't keep their crossdressing a secret. "
OUCH! Harsh words.
My guess is that this reader might have been hurt by a crossdresser in the past. So there is probably nothing I can say to make them feel better.
However, it would be nice to get the input of friends and family members of crossdressers that are accepting and who love their crossdressing husbands, brothers, fathers, grandfathers, sons and friends. Maybe that way this reader can see that not all crossdressers behave badly.
Here is the story of a Crossdresser I'm accostumed to hearing:
- A young boy starts experimenting wearing women's clothing at a young age
- Shame starts to creep in shortly after
- The boy suppresses the desire to dress for years.
- Boy, now a man, gets married and has kids
- After many years of suppressing the desire to dress the man dresses again in secret.
- Shame creeps in again
- Man purges all crossdressing items in the hopes the feeling to dress will go away
- Feelings to dress in women's clothing still persists even after many years.
- Finally man decides to dress again, maybe even go out in femme, maybe even kiss and/or have sexual encounters with another crossdresser or man without the wife and kids having a clue of this "secret life"
- Wife finds out about husband's crossdressing and the fact that he has lied to her in the past in order to cover up his "secret life."
- Wife feels betrayed demands a divorce and threatens to take the kids with her
It's true we can't change the past but if you're an OLDER crossdresser, what advice would you give a YOUNGER crossdresser so they don't go through the struggles you went through?
I'm calling a Time Out, Time Out!
This is a blog Time Out!
You Mr. and Mrs. Religious Person you need a timeout.
You Mr. and Mrs. LGBT QRS TUV WXYZ, you need a timeout.
It is 2014, we've had enough of this Religious People versus the Gays and Gays versus Religious People nonsense. We are better than that.
First of all, Religious People, think of all the good you could be doing with your money and your time instead of spending it trying to stop the Gays from marring each other. You could be rebuilding neighborhoods, you could be doing some urban farming, you could be making sure kids in schools have new books or better yet tablets! With the money churches around the nation spend on anti gay propaganda you could make sure no American child goes to bed hungry.
Gays, now I'm talking to you. Stop egging on Religious People. It's not cute. Believing in a God is an idea, a state of mind, that evokes a great emotion just like you believing you were born this way evokes a great emotion in you. Respect the emotion!
Religious People, the Gays are not out to convert anyone.
Dear Gays, stop trying to convert that straight guy you have a crush on. Its not cute. You out of all people ought to know that sexuality is a spectrum so it's not like someone "jumps a fence” and BAM they’re now Gay! Trying to have sex with a "straight" guy is not a conquest or a challenge worth taking. Going after unrequited love is always a sign of low self-esteem and low self-worth. You are better then that.
Religious people, it's ok to pray for the Gays, please do - just don't tell them.
Dear Gays, let them pray for you, it doesn’t hurt anyone. A prayer is simply a message sent to God and if you don't believe in God well, then there is no harm done.
Religious People and The Gays, you have more in common than you know. You simply have to stop talking over each other and listen more. That is why you were born with two ears and only one mouth.
Do you think transgender, transsexuals, and or transvestites suffer from a mental illness or medical condition?
Gender Dysphoria is a condition in which a person feels that there is a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity.
Last I checked, the American Psychiatric Association says that being transgender is NOT a mental illness YET many if not ALL trans individual suffer from something called Gender Dysphoria?
I know that discussing other people's pain is a sensitive subject, especially when discussing emotional pain, pain which is derived from no visible physical damage. That being said, it seems to me that for a person to say that they have Gender Dysphoria is the same as saying that they suffer from a mental illness. So my question to someone who believes he or she has Gender Dysphoria is, do you believe you were born with Gender Dysphoria or is it something you "caught?"
"I was born in the wrong body," is usually what many if not ALL trans individuals say when discussing their life experience. They also share the emotional pain they felt growing up because of this belief.
My issue with the term Gender Dysphoria is, that in essence, it is a term created to describe the feeling of being unhappy with one's body as said body arrived into this world. In this sense it is similar to Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Among other things the treatment for these "disorders" is undergoing surgery.
My main issue with these "disorders" and "conditions" is the fact that society perceives them and treats them as illnesses, as a defect a person has or was born with as opposed to simply a strong desire to change one's appearance.
Imagine if we started viewing some black women as being mentally ill simply because they were born with naturally curly hair yet are so unhappy with it they choose to straighten it. Or if you were told you were sick in the head for wanting color contact lenses? Putting painful braces on children to straighten their natural teeth then would simply be an insane thing to do. These would all be people suffering from mental illness would they not? What if we started giving plastic surgery to young people to alleviate their emotional distress from being bullied because of the way they were born? Oh, that we already do, as seen in this TV special.
We are all born with a body and we all know that it is temporary, so to want to alter it and adorn it as we wish, how can that be a mental illness? Wanting to alter our bodies is a universal human desire. We all alter our bodies to one extent or another. Why then do we subscribe to the "medical community's" opinion when it comes to certain types of body alterations? Why are they the ones with the authority to draw the line in the sand as to which body alterations fall under "treatment" and which are simply "cosmetic." Should they be allowed to diagnose a person as suffering from an illness simply because they are the ones providing the procedures in order to "cure" the "illness" they themselves have "diagnosed?"
The term Gender Dysphoria is a loaded term because it is also a political term. If a person has Gender Dysphoria then Insurance Companies ought to cover that person's hormone treatment and or sexual reassignment surgery. However if Gender Dysphoria is not a mental illness then the Insurance Companies are less inclined to cover the costs of hormones and sexual reassignment surgery since these forms of treatment would be considered to be elective and not to treat a life threatening condition. So it's easy for a person who doesn't have Gender Dysphoria to say that it is not an actual illness. With Obamacare becoming a reality this means that potentially a whole nation will be affected financially for a minority of individuals wanting medical treatment for their Gender Dysphoria. Does your Insurance company cover sexual reassignment surgery or hormone treatment?
I'm in daily contact with biological men who enjoy dressing up as women. Some would consider themselves as suffering from Gender Dysphoria. I treat these men as I would treat any other human being, as HUMAN. I don't think of them as having a mental illness. I think of them as strong individuals who are free to do with their bodies as they wish. Do they have personal struggles and challenges due to living in a society that insists on having only two genders, yes. Am I sympathetic to their struggles, absolutely. Anyone with a heart would feel for the pain trans individuals face everyday due to physical and psychological abuse. That being said, a trans individual, wherever they may fall in the trans spectrum, IS NOT A VICTIM OF HIS OR HER CIRCUMSTANCES. They have the power to say, this is my journey and I will make the necessary changes in my life to feel at peace with myself.
Trans individuals are faced with a particular life challenge, in many cases from an early age. I'm not sure it is a parent's obligation to contemplate hormone treatment for their trans child, however it is a parent's duty to give their child the skills and information necessary so they can tackle live's challenges so they may find internal peace. Are we to make a child believe that how he or she feels about his or her body is due to a mental illness or are we going to show them that it is simply a journey of transformation which they are on?
All that being said, should I start seeing and treating trans individuals as if they are suffering from a mental illness called Gender Dysphoria instead of how I currently see and treat them which is as if they are like everyone one else?
Google Glass is a piece of technology that helps you see the world through other people's eyes. Google glass, among other things, is simply a small computer with a camera you wear on your face. It sees what you see. However a camera doesn't judge, it simply captures events.
Technology such as a video camera doesn't judge, it simply captures what you'd like to record in order to watch it at a future time. In a nutshell, Technology doesn't judge but PEOPLE do judge. This is not a new concept but more and more folks are awakening to this fact thanks to technology.
It's no secret to women that they get judged harshly when they are viewed trying to accomplish those things Men have accomplished in the past. A recent example is that of the ladies of the Winter Olympics 2014. Women get judged harshly when seen through the "gender lens." Consequently Men get judged harshly when seen through the same "gender lens." What's acceptable behavior for a woman is an abomination for a man.
The problem with seeing life through the "Gender Lens" is that it points out our differences instead of focusing on our similarities. The Gender Lens tells woman they are too weak to accomplish those things Men have in the past. The Gender Lens also tells men they are not to express their vulnerability and sensitivity as women do. When a person subscribes to this world view it traps them in thinking that they are broken, weird, or simply not "right" if they don't fall in one or the other gender 100% of the time.
It takes a lot of courage to express how life makes you feel. This experience of being alive is strange to both genders from time to time. The last thing a person wants to hear when expressing something personal about him or herself is that what they are feeling should be expressed in the traditional form of one of two genders.
If you ever feel like life is lacking a bit of magic or meaning try dropping the "Gender Lens" and you'll start REALLY listening and SEEING people for what they truly FEEL inside. You will actually SEE life through their EYES. Dropping the Gender Lens is far better and more effective than Google Glass.
We've been running this website since 2009. We've learned a lot over the years about our readers and their struggles.
We've learned enough to guess that many of our readers who were born males will identify with many of the following feelings.
The pain of:
Comparison: not feeling good enough Shame: consistent background sense that there is something wrong with you Attenuation: Feeling you must remain small in order to be loved Persistent sense of guilt for wanting more than you currently have
The pain can manifest as:
Not being your full self because you don’t want to threaten others Having a high tolerance for poor treatment from others Emotional care-taking Feeling competitive with others Self-sabotage Being overly rigid and dominating Conditions such as eating disorders, depression and addictions
Why do I find it interesting that many of our male born readers will identify with many of the above feelings? Because the above comes from a blog post entitled
Why it’s Crucial for Women to Heal the Mother Wound - read it click HERE