Wednesday, October 15, 2014

My Wife Found My Crossdressing Pics, is My Life as I knew it Over?

Imagine you're a crossdresser and your wife is not aware that you dress like a woman and go out to bars for drinks with your crossdressing friends. Now imagine your wife accidentally finds pictures of you dressed as a woman on the home computer. She flips out! She feels betrayed and lied to.

Now imagine that cross-dressing friend confides in you, what would you say?

Would it go a little something like this?

CD: My wife saw photos (of me dressed as a woman) on my computer last night. I'm so scared now I will lose her.

FRIEND: Oh boy. Stay strong

CD: I feel sick. I can't believe I let this happen.

FRIEND: Breathe. It's going to be ok.

CD: I don't know that it will. She can't look at me she feels betrayed and questions who and what I am

FRIEND: That's expected at this stage. She needs time to process this new reality.

CD: I don't know that she will be able to process this.

FRIEND: She has to because it's reality. Let her be upset, and when she calms down you can have an eye opening conversation about this very important part of your life. Remember the marriage vows, for better or worse. These are the tough times that can make a marriage stronger. You have to guide her into this new future together.

CD: Or tear it apart. There is no future for this part of me of that I am sure

FRIEND: You have to focus on what you want and put your best foot forward. Now is not the time to think of a bad outcome.

CD: I need to make a choice and in my heart I have already made it. I have to bury this part of me or there will never be a chance of saving my marriage. If it's even salvageable.

FRIEND: Are you really going to suppress this for another 18 years AGAIN?

CD: If I have to make a choice yes I can.

FRIEND: There is nothing wrong with you. This is part of what makes you a complete individual

CD: The person I love the most in this world thinks there is something wrong with me

FRIEND: If you believe she is right then I suggest you two go to marriage counseling. The therapist will show her she is wrong. There is nothing wrong with you.

CD: It doesn't matter who's right

FRIEND: It does matter because otherwise one of you will be living in denial. I strongly suggest you both go see a therapist to smooth things out. Let me know if you need a referral.

CD: Thank you, I will let you know. But the only person she thinks needs a therapist is me.

FRIEND: That's a good starting point. After you go to a therapist for a couple of sessions the therapist will invite her to join so that she can better understand you.

What do you think this Crossdresser should do? Give up crossdressing in order to please the wife or should the Crossdresser do something else?

Friday, October 3, 2014

Inspirational Pics

New Blog

We simply LOVE THIS!

Lynn Jones, one of our fabulous GF readers, altered some of our photos. She writes:

Your post on 'get off the pot' reminded me of those spoof inspiration / Drunkspiration pictures that did the rounds. This is in a good way, I should add!! :-D Hell, if we can have motivational posters on getting tanked, why not in being fabulous? It's certainly better for your mood and your waistline. :-)

New Blog

New Blog

New Blog

Thursday, October 2, 2014


"You look better as a woman!" those are words me and many other cross dressers like myself have heard many many times. WE ALL have the choice to present ourselves, adorn our bodies, how we choose. Because it's still not acceptable to walk out of the house naked we have to choose how we dress every morning when we get out of bed.

Most women will wear women's clothes. Most men will wear men's clothes. Crossdressers will wear BOTH! And thus, people who know a crossdresser as a man and as a woman will have an opinion as to which of your gender presentation they fancy the most. It really is an interesting feeling being on the receiving end of a comment such as "You look better as a woman!"

Me, I try to have fun with both genders not really worrying weather I look better as one or the other...because, lets face it, we all look pretty good to someone else once they've had enough to drink.

As a Woman

As a Man

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

A Crossdresser's Sexuality

I was covering Wigstock so as to write an article for NEXT Magazine back in 2005 when I learned of what a crossdresser is. She told me her name was Rebecca and although he was a man dressed like a woman she told me she was not gay. This of course had me a bit confused but over the years my confusion diminished.

One of the biggest issues many cross dressers have is that somewhere along the line they started to believe that they were heterosexuals. They also started subscribing to the notion that boys ought not to like girly stuff. The combination of these two ideologies does quite the number on a Crossdresser’s mind. This conflict most always brings with it a breakdown of sorts. Usually culminating in a “if you can’t beat them, join them” mentality. Which THEM am I referring to? Depends at what stage of Crossdressing the person is in.

Growing up the term “THEM” is usually used by children to describe adults. It’s the adults that tell a young excited boy he ought to like “Boy things” and not “Girl things.” The child is left confused, hurt, and feeling as if his voice is not heard by adults. “Don’t MY needs and wishes matter?” thinks the child. "How can I be “WRONG” in liking something that makes me happy?” “Is it WRONG for me to be happy?” “Should I suck it up and resign myself to doing what THEY want me to do? Should I sacrifice my self-expression because it makes THEM unhappy?” “What’s the big deal anyway?” “ How is me wanting to dress like a girl hurting anyone?”

We are typically raised in a heterosexual world so it's no surprise many Crossdressers believe themselves to be heterosexual for years before they come to terms with their sexuality. The reality is that most crossdressers are "technically" bisexual. You see what most crossdressers have in common is that they LOVE femininity. This means many crossdressers, although they are not usually attracted to men who look like men, ARE attracted to men who look and dress like women. It is no surprise many crossdressers will engage in sexual activity with members of the same sex especially if their parter present as female.

There are some cases where the Crossdresser will engage in sex with a man who looks like man, but it's not as common. Usually when this happens both men are not usually involed in the "gay community" because although the sex act is gay its between a man and another man who is dressed like a woman. So it resembles heterosexual sex.

Gay culture is unique. I can't tell you the number of times I've talked to cross dressers who express how they are not comfortable in a "gay environment." Gays have their own rules of etiquette, their own lingo. Usually, cross dressers have a limited knowledge of such because they are are not submerged in that world. And so because the crossdresser is not submerged in the "gay world" they mostly feel heterosexual.

Simultaniously because gay men are submerged in the "gay world" or "gay culture" they have a hard time understanding cross dressers. Gay men's reference point of a man dressing as a woman is that of a drag queen, someone that is bitchy, loud, and commands attention. The crossdresser usually doesn't fit that bill. The crossdresser simply wants to be seen and treated as a woman and not some kind of wild drag queen. Crossdressing and Drag, although have many similarities, are fundamentally different in the energies they carry.

In conclusion, although no one really cares about labels, please know that you are wrong to call a crossdresser gay or straight. Most Cross dressers live in the in-between world of sexuality where things are more fluid. Not everything is black and white in life, cross dressing is a perfect example of the grey area so many are happy to live in.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Out on the Town in Femme Testimonial


Recently we've discussed how fantastic it feels to go out on the town all dolled up. Today I bring you a testimonial from a beautiful GenderFun reader. She writes

Hi Adrian,
In light of your last few blog posts I felt compelled to share a picture. I've known I enjoyed cross-dressing since I was a teenager, but it's only been in the last few years that I've started going out in public ( now that I'm in my 30s). I've been fortunate to have a supportive wife and some supportive friends; which I know many people don't have. I've also found that you do come across those supportive people when you're out that will give a nice passing comment or strike up a conversation; and maybe I'm fortunate but I've come across more of those folks than those that want to be negative. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and thoughts. Finding your blog a few years ago helped me gain the courage to start getting out of the house!

I asked Roxy if I could post this on GenderFun and she replied with:

Hi Adrian,
Thanks for taking the time to reply! It has been pretty fantastic to step out in femme. It's still not second nature as I continue to get that nervous excitement when I do, but once I get past the door I'm always glad I did. You are more than welcome to share my email and picture especially if you think it could help someone else. It can be a scary world out there and, at least for me, knowing that I'm not alone has been a big help. Have a wonderful day!

Who is Messier?


I was taking out the recycling when I bumped into my neighbor Megan. We started up a conversation about messy roommates. I told her about my past messy male roommates and she shared stories of her past messy female roommate.

This got me wondering, generally speaking, who is messier men or women?

Monday, September 29, 2014

Women have a Lower IQ than Men?


Today's Viewer mail comes from Nick. Nick has a very interesting question about how I present myself in guy mode (Adrian) vs how I present myself in femme mode (Amnesia). He writes:

"I do have a question - and I'm not making any political point here - but Adrian presents as intelligent and erudite but Amnesia is an air-head. I'm not pushing a trans-feminist agenda here, I'm just curious as to why you feel the need to lower your IQ when the wig and makeup go on."

Here is my response:


That's a great question, although I'm not sure how inteligent I seem in this video


Thanks for writing!


On a more serious note, I've been running this website since 2009. One of the lessons I've learned in the past 5 years is, usually when I get viewer mail it's not REALLY about ME, it's about an internal struggle, conflict, or curiosity coming from deep inside the person who is asking the question. Usually they ask me a question about something they recognize within themselves.

Clearly the above question is a matter of perception. The viewer perceives me to be presenting myself not only differently on the exterior level (dressed as a woman vs dressed as a man) but the viewer also perceives me to appear less intelligent as a woman. We all know that a person's IQ cannot change simply by putting on lipstick and a pair of heels, yet as you can see some folk are programed to see women that way, even when the woman is not a biological woman.

This is a reality many if not ALL biological women know and face often. If a woman goes out at night in a little black dress, high heels, with her hair and make up all done up, it's hard for folks to see her as a scholar which she could very well be.


I always like to bring it back to the concept of Time, Place, Manner . Although we might be the same person at our core, depending on the Time, the Place, and the Manner in which we go about our business we may be perceived completely different. Take for example being a child and seeing your teacher at the grocery store for the first time. You think to yourself, "WOW Mrs. Johnson is out of the classroom. She's like, human and stuff. And she's buying tampons!!!! EWWWWWW." This reality-check can often times shock a child. It's almost like it opens a whole new dimension of perception. Suddenly you start seeing someone in a whole new light.

I believe this is one of the many things ALL Crossdressers can offer society. They can help change people's preconceived notions of gender and sexuality. They can expand a person's perspective. They can spark a person's curiosity. The Crossdresser can do all these things by simply being themselves publicly.

That is why I see cross-dressing as not only something FUN but also something very SMART!

Friday, September 26, 2014

Just Do It

My roommate and I are very fond of an old saying, it goes like this "Shit or get off the pot." I associate this saying with malcontent individuals who seem to always come up with an excuse as to why they can't be happy. They might also be "party poopers" because they can't seem to hold back their unhappiness, they must simply tell you how much they disagree with your actions and beliefs even when you didn't even ask for their opinion.

When it comes to men who dress like women there is a large number of folk that need to shit or get off the pot. You might be thinking that the above statement is a bit insensitive on my part since some of these folks are living with an enormous amount of fear. I don't see it as being insensitive, clearly I understand the struggle, I see it more as Tough Love. If you don't like it then get angry about it!

Anger is a great motivator. You need a bit of fire in your soul. When you're angry you usually "do something about it." The power comes from "doing."

So now, what is it that you really want to do? Instead of thinking "I can't do it because of x y and z," ask yourself "HOW can I make it happen." The key then is using your imagination to think of how to make a goal a reality vs coming up with excuses as to why things will never change.

One of the reasons I love my boy-to-girl clients so much is because they got off the pot! Many of these men dressed as women in secret, never in the company of someone else until they came to me for a makeover and photoshoot. Some had never gone outside dress until we went out on the town together. They finally got the courage to make a dream into a reality. You have to admire that level of bravery.

Why Men Come to Me to Be Transformed Into Women

We all have many obstacles to overcome in our lifetime and we certainly can't do it all on our own. Find out what you really want and then search for a supportive group of people that will help you achieve your dreams. You are not alone. Join forces and together you will devise a plan to make your dreams a reality. There is great power in numbers.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

What is the REAL FEAR Really?

Are you a man who enjoys dressing like a lady on your spare time? Do you ever leave your house or hotel room all dolled up? If you answered YES to the first question and NO to the second question then we need to talk.

I can't tell you the amount of times I've heard statements such as "I don't go out because I don't think I would pass," or "if only I would look more possible I would go out of the house dressed." Firstly, let me say that it's ok to have those reservations. Secondly, with all due respect, I would like to say GET OVER THIS WHOLE "PASSING" THING BEFORE YOUR LIFE PASSES YOU BY!

Of course you need to crawl before you walk, and walk before you run but if you are holding yourself back by using the "passing" excuse then you are not even taking baby steps. You are not moving. In other words you are not living

I do get it, after all I wrote a post about how to dress when going out (click HERE). I understand if you live in a place that is close minded. Those are very serious concerns. There is no need to put yourself in unesassary dangerous situation. But if you live in a city like NY or are visiting NY please don't use the "passing" excuse with me. Don't tell me you'd go out if only you were more passable. By telling me this you are lying to me, and I do not like to be lied to.

NY is a city where anything goes! Here you are free to walk out of the house wearing a garbage bag (I've actually seen that although I'm guessing the person seemed to not really have a house). My point is, you can be yourself in NY. But how can you be yourself if you keep holding yourself back by using the "passing" excuse?

Part of the TRAN'S journey is that we all look a bit rough when we first start putting ourselves together. Our wigs are all raggedy, we are horrible at applying makeup, and we can't walk in heels to save our lives. But if we don't practice how will we ever evolve? It's the same with going out. If you don't practice going out how will you ever get over your fear?

Let's break down that fear. What are you really afraid will happen when you leave the house all dolled up? Let's explore some scenarios other than getting physically assaulted which can happen but usually doesn't depending on where you live.

You may get called names like fag and freak
You may see some people point and stare
You may hear people laughing at you
Someone might complement and ask you where you got your outfit
You might get catcalls walking down the sidewalk
Someone might buy you a drink
Someone might ask for your number
Someone might want to go back to your place with you ;-)

What many Crossdressers who go out don't realize is that there are some really nice people out there, waitresses, cab drivers, etc who recognize you are a bit scared and they try to make small talk to show you that you are in a safe place. THAT is what going out is all about, doing small talk with strangers to show them you are not only in a safe place but YOU carry that safe place IN YOU. Realizing you had that safe place in you all along is like Dorothy realizing she had the power to go home throughout her journey in OZ.

Might as well put on them heels, go out, and follow the yellow brick road!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Do You Understand the Transgender Experience?

This week I met up with one of my favorite CD girls in Union Square.  She had delivered to my place a wig she purchased online so as not to have her wife accidentally open the package and in turn discover her cross dressing secret. We strolled a bit as we chatted about what it feels like to experience life as a cross dresser.  She shared with me her wife's reaction to having watched the documentary Lady Valor. Let's just say it was not very positive.

Lady Valor is a documentary that looks at the life of an ex navy seal who after retiring from 20 years of service decided to transition from Chris Beck to Kristin Beck.  My friend's wife did not "get it," she simply didn't understand the transition. To top it off she found the idea of a man transitioning into a woman a bit appalling. She shared this with my friend not knowing that he occasionally cross dresses in secret.

This was one of two stories I've heard this week about someone not "getting it." The other story came form one of my Trans Facebook friends who shared a brief story with me. Turns out she, being a genetic male presenting as a man, was at a party when he told a genetic female that he identifies as a Female. Needless to say the genetic woman didn't "get it."

This is how my friend explained it to me:

"That although I was born a genetic male, which is what she saw at the party, I identify myself as female, and have the same emotional needs as a genetic female, not a genetic male (I used this rather vague terminology to maintain the proper decorum, and a platform to begin our discussion). Then, the conversation took a surprising turn. She was having an incredibly difficult time understanding why I looked and acted male at the party, while I was explaining to her how I was a Transgender woman (it was obvious at this point that she had little if any experience with the issues Transgender women face on a daily basis, but I was polite and responsive). I told her, that having experienced life from a unique perspective (being physically assaulted for being Transgender on more than one occasion), I learned to become a chameleon of sorts, and adjust my look and attitude according to the situation. After several contorted facial expression and an absolute disbelief in what I was saying or how I felt, it was time to go. You see Adrian, for some people if the cover doesn’t match the book, they become confused."

I totally get both sides of this scene. This is a great topic, because I believe here is where the bridge of understanding can be built between trans and non-trans individuals.

My friend's party story reminds me of a post I wrote in March of last year titled "Are you Living a Lie?"

An excerpt from that post:

Now think of a crossdresser, a guy that enjoys dressing up like a woman. A large number of crossdressers and those folks who WITNESS how crossdressers behave, feel as if there must be something terribly wrong with crossdressers. They think that crossdressers are out of touch with reality, that they are FAKE, and that clearly they are not being their "authentic self."

I go on to say:

The problem with crossdressing, if at all, is not so much with crossdressing since the act is harmless, but the issue lies with how crossdressing is viewed. There is an invisible realm that non-crossdressers can't see. To the outside world a crossdresser is a man dressed as a women, but in the internal world of the crossdresser the crossdresser experiences the world differently. Crossdressers can FEEL the difference within themselves when they are dressed as female.

I recommend you read the whole post. click HERE

Another post I wrote that goes hand in hand with this topic is the one I discuss Time, Place, Manner click How to Crossdress in Public

It can certainly be challenging for a CD or a Trans individual (in any stage of development) to explain what LIFE FEELS LIKE to someone who doesn't share the same sensibilities. I believe reminding all folks that there is an internal world of emotion and states of being is always a great place to start. They might not understand a Trans individual's life experience on a superficial level but they just might start seeing us all as human.

Or if that's too hard you can show them this video and get a good chuckle together.