This week I met up with one of my favorite CD girls in Union Square. She had delivered to my place a wig she purchased online so as not to have her wife accidentally open the package and in turn discover her cross dressing secret. We strolled a bit as we chatted about what it feels like to experience life as a cross dresser. She shared with me her wife's reaction to having watched the documentary Lady Valor. Let's just say it was not very positive.
Lady Valor is a documentary that looks at the life of an ex navy seal who after retiring from 20 years of service decided to transition from Chris Beck to Kristin Beck. My friend's wife did not "get it," she simply didn't understand the transition. To top it off she found the idea of a man transitioning into a woman a bit appalling. She shared this with my friend not knowing that he occasionally cross dresses in secret.
This was one of two stories I've heard this week about someone not "getting it." The other story came form one of my Trans Facebook friends who shared a brief story with me. Turns out she, being a genetic male presenting as a man, was at a party when he told a genetic female that he identifies as a Female. Needless to say the genetic woman didn't "get it."
This is how my friend explained it to me:
"That although I was born a genetic male, which is what she saw at the party, I identify myself as female, and have the same emotional needs as a genetic female, not a genetic male (I used this rather vague terminology to maintain the proper decorum, and a platform to begin our discussion). Then, the conversation took a surprising turn. She was having an incredibly difficult time understanding why I looked and acted male at the party, while I was explaining to her how I was a Transgender woman (it was obvious at this point that she had little if any experience with the issues Transgender women face on a daily basis, but I was polite and responsive). I told her, that having experienced life from a unique perspective (being physically assaulted for being Transgender on more than one occasion), I learned to become a chameleon of sorts, and adjust my look and attitude according to the situation. After several contorted facial expression and an absolute disbelief in what I was saying or how I felt, it was time to go.
You see Adrian, for some people if the cover doesn’t match the book, they become confused."
I totally get both sides of this scene. This is a great topic, because I believe here is where the bridge of understanding can be built between trans and non-trans individuals.
My friend's party story reminds me of a post I wrote in March of last year titled "Are you Living a Lie?"
An excerpt from that post:
Now think of a crossdresser, a guy that enjoys dressing up like a woman. A large number of crossdressers and those folks who WITNESS how crossdressers behave, feel as if there must be something terribly wrong with crossdressers. They think that crossdressers are out of touch with reality, that they are FAKE, and that clearly they are not being their "authentic self."
I go on to say:
The problem with crossdressing, if at all, is not so much with crossdressing since the act is harmless, but the issue lies with how crossdressing is viewed. There is an invisible realm that non-crossdressers can't see. To the outside world a crossdresser is a man dressed as a women, but in the internal world of the crossdresser the crossdresser experiences the world differently. Crossdressers can FEEL the difference within themselves when they are dressed as female.
I recommend you read the whole post. click HERE
Another post I wrote that goes hand in hand with this topic is the one I discuss Time, Place, Manner click How to Crossdress in Public
It can certainly be challenging for a CD or a Trans individual (in any stage of development) to explain what LIFE FEELS LIKE to someone who doesn't share the same sensibilities. I believe reminding all folks that there is an internal world of emotion and states of being is always a great place to start. They might not understand a Trans individual's life experience on a superficial level but they just might start seeing us all as human.
Or if that's too hard you can show them this video and get a good chuckle together.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
I crossdress. This means I was assigned male at birth but on my spare time I dress like a woman. I'm not alone. There are hundreds of thousands if not millions of males just like me. Although we have many similarities, being that I've been running a website focusing on gender and sexuality, I'm aware that we also have many differences.
Lets focus on some of the differences (without judging).
I've had a job in corporate America for the past 11 years and my coworkers know about my dressing. Many crossdressers keep their femme life in the closet from their jobs.
My friends and family have been aware of my femme self since 1997 and they delight and have even invited her to family gatherings. Many crossdressers keep their femme self in the closet from their friends and families afraid they won't be accepted.
I'm currently single but when I go on dates I freely talk to my potential spouse about my femme self since it's a part of me. Many crossdressers keep their femme self in the closet from their spouses or potential spouses.
My male self and female self are linked on the internet so if you know one of me chances are you know the two of me on the internet. Many crossdressers never link their femme self online profiles to their male self profiles.
I'm well aware that everyone's circumstances are different so I never preach about coming out of the closet to anyone. However, being that I'm out of the closet in all the above areas of my life I have to say that it does give me a freedom to worry less about what I should keep secret about myself. This freedom does minimize my fears, gives me confidence, and it's something I would encourage all crossdressers to strive to obtain. I didn't get here over night, and I have a long ways to go, and that's something we all have in common.
Monday, August 25, 2014
I was nominated by Javiel Gonzalez to take on the ice bucket challenge. Challenge accepted. I nominate Yesenia Lopez, Mathew Camp, Michael Hartz, and Prada G. Major. You have 24 hours to complete the challenge!
Please make sure to donate over at www.ALSA.org
#icebucketchallenge #alsicebucketchallenge #strikeoutals
Here is the edited version
Here is the extended vlog version where you can get a closer look at the outfit.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Recently it came to my attention that I'm on Wikipedia.
Right now it's an empty page. No Surprise there since not many people know "my story." So I figured I'd sit down and write a few things I experienced during my past 35 years that might be of interest to others.
Here is the first draft. Please feel free to play "editor" and fix anything you feel needs fixing.
Here is the first draft to be posted on Wikipedia.
Amnesia Sparkles (born April 19th, 1979) is the alter ego of artist, photographer, and writer, Adrian L. Acosta. Amnesia made her Television debut on the first season of the popular show American Idol making her the first crossdresser on the show. She holds the honor of being the first winner of the Miss Thang Beauty Pageant and has performed in New York and Florida stages. As a contributing writer for New York City's Next Magazine, Amnesia interviewed artists such as Dolly Parton, Lady Bunny, Kevin Aviance, and Jim Verraros.
Amnesia is the creator of GenderFun.com, a website focusing on gender and sexuality. She currently lives in New York City where she runs the Gender Fun website and YouTube Channel as well as performs full Boy-to-Girl Makeover Transformations on men who enjoy being transformed into women (TransFormPhotos.com).
1979 - 1997
Adrian L. Acosta (Amnesia Sparkles) was born in Montevideo Uruguay. His father was a Butcher and his mother was a Homemaker later turned Esthetician. Adrian is one of three children with an older brother and a younger sister, making him the middle child. He grew up in Florida USA.
Acosta showed interest in the arts at a very young age. He won his first drawing contest in 2nd grade when he drew a school inside a huge glass dome. The assignment was to draw the school of the future. The drawing hung in the administrative office as prize.
He also showed great interest in the opposite sex from an early age. In second grade he was sent to the principle's office for playing "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" with a female classmate. In third grade he was scolded by his teacher for drawing naked women, an obsession of his.
He had multiple romantic affairs with girls growing up. He "married" his neighborhood sweetheart, Leticia, when they were both 4 or 5 years old. The play-marriage ended abruptly when the Acosta family relocated.
Adrian was bullied by other boys, during his coming of age years, for not having grown hair on his legs like the other boys. He got in a couple of brawls defending his honor.
Acosta's first taste in the performing arts came when he joined the Drama Club (Troupe 2617) at Coconut Creek High School. He won numerous acting awards as well as a design award for best T-shirt design for the Florida District 7 Thespian Competition (http://flthespian.com).
He was also cast in lead roles in numerous school theater productions. Acosta stepped in to play the role of Conrad Birdie for Piper High School, a neighboring High School, when their Conrad Birdie dropped out at the last minute. He made a grand entrance on a shiny black Harley Davidson. The girls went wild!
Acosta began experimenting with film when his parents bought him a camcorder in 1995-96. His interest in girls continued to get him in trouble. A female classmate flashed her breasts at Adrian's camera during the 1996 Florida State Thespian competition resulting in the teacher confiscating the tape.
In 1997 Acosta entered Coconut Creek High School's first Drag Beauty Pageant called Miss Thang. Acosta, with the help of his schoolmate Diana Fye and the support of Jose Robles, brought to life for the first time his alter ego Amnesia Sparkles. Amnesia went on to win "Best Legs" as well as the title of Miss Thang 1997.
1998 - 2002
Acosta continued his life in the theater performing in a number of regional and community theater productions playing mostly male roles with the exception of playing a Kit Kat Girl named Texas in the musical Cabaret. During this time he taught children ages 5-12 acting and musical theater, as well as directed them in Broadway style musical productions while employed for an after school and summer camp theater program.
In 2001 Acosta began experimenting with photography for the first time with his cousin Veronika's camera.
Acosta, following in his mother's foot steps, completed a Skin Care/Makeup Training program at Florida College of Natural Health (http://www.fcnh.com) making him a Licensed Esthetician.
Amnesia Sparkles performed at local bars as well as for family reunions during this time. In early 2002 Amnesia Sparkles made her Television debut on the first season of American Idol, a popular Television talent show. She got the internet forums buzzing when she kissed Simon Cowell, one of the Judges, during the first episode.
Acosta moved to New York City in late 2002 and lived in a humble one bedroom railroad style apartment in Harlem with a friend from Florida. He had a rough time finding employment and sustained himself by eating ramen noodles, cans of tuna, and McDonald's Dollar Menu.
2003 - 2008
In 2005 Amnesia got a break and became a contributing writer for Next Magazine. As a contributing writer for Next Magazine Amnesia got to interview singer-songwriter Dolly Parton, Jim Verreros, and Drag artists such as Lady Bunny, Shequida, and performing artist Kevin Aviance. Amnesia also wrote numerous entertaining articles. She was also interviewed by a number of Gay websites including the Feast of Fun, After Elton, and Queerty.com.
In 2007 Acosta transformed himself into Amnesia Sparkles for the 2nd half of the photography piece "1/2 Man, 1/2 Woman" where he photographed himself as a man and as a woman and then merged the two images to make one image where Adrian and Amnesia are standing side by side. He filmed the makeup application going from boy-to-girl in the style of the Dove Evolution video and posted it on his personal youtube channel "Drawlove" which captured the public's attention.
Amnesia recorded the hook for the song "Looking Back" on the album "Master of Fine Arts" by Gay Rapper Soce the Elemental Wizard. On Friday August 8th, 2008 Soce won the Sirius Radio/Shade 45 Gay Rap Battle on the Gayest Rap Show Ever competition by singing "Searching" LIVE w Amnesia Sparkles singing the hook of the song.
Amnesia continued to hone her craft by performing for her family, as well as doing Live performances in NYC venues such as The Slide, XES, Bowery Poetry Club, and Parkside Lounge. Amnesia also appeared in TV Spots on WB Morning News, HERE TV, Logo's New Now Next. She also did some "extra" work in John Cameron Mitchell's film Short Bus.
2009 - 2014
In 2009 Amnesia launched GenderFun.com, a website focusing on gender and sexuality. Through GenderFun.com she was lucky to have interviewed one of her idols, Super Model of the World Rupaul. In 2010 the first episode of her internet reality show "Getting Amnesia" was broadcast on Gender Fun.
Amnesia participated in Gender Fun video collaborations with numerous personalities from Matthew Camp, Bill Lagaret, Michael Buckley, The Resident, Dan Olson, Jessica Who, and Prada G. Major. As of July 2014 GenderFun YouTube videos have been viewed over 3.6 million times.
In 2010 Acosta became the subject of the documentary "Amnesia" by Melissa Balan, which went on to win Best Documentary at the East Coast Student Film Festival (http://www.melissabalan.com/
#!amnesia/c1nfw). "Amnesia" introduces the audience to Adrian and Amnesia as they describe why they created GenderFun.com and how we all have an inner Amnesia longing to come out.
Two of Acosta's photographs taken during the 2008 Lawrence King Community vigil were selected and published in book LGBT Identity and and Online New Media. A photograph of artist Taylor Mac taken by Acosta at the 2009 Invasion of the Pines was selected and displayed at the Leslie Lohman Gallery in New York City.
In 2013 Amnesia began performing full Boy-to-Girl Makeover Transformations on men who enjoy being transformed into women (TransFormPhotos.com). In 2014 Acosta wrote an article which was featured in the front page of Huffington Post Gay Voices titled "Why Men Come to Me to Be Transformed Into Women" (http://www.huffingtonpost.
com/adrian-acosta/men- transformed-into-women_b_ 4564321.html)
As of 2014 the Gender Fun community keeps on growing on the Gender Fun Facebook page with thousands of gender bending supporters who share their experiences and opinions on gender and sexuality topics.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014
Say hello to the very sexy Stacie! This was Stacie's second time getting a boy-to-girl transformation by us. She blew it out of the park!
Details on Boy-to-Girl transformations click HERE
See our other sexy models click HERE
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Monday, June 30, 2014
Say hello to the very sexy Emma! This was Emma's first time getting a boy-to-girl transformation by us. She is such a natural beauty!
Details on Boy-to-Girl transformations click HERE
See our other sexy models click HERE