Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Spotlight on a Minority Exposes Deep Pain of Many

I have a secret to tell you.  First let me tell you a short story.

​ I was having a casual conversation recently with a business executive. He was telling me how he and his friends were having a bit of a competition. The goal was to see which one had it worse at work. This executive LOST THREE admins in the span of three short years.  He lost one admin to a heart attack, another to cancer, and a third...well, the laziest way to describe what happened to the third is to say she lost her mind. Clearly he felt his work "misery" won over his friend's work misery. Comparing loss is like comparing air, you are both holding nothing in your hands.

​ This brings me to news you might find a bit miserable?  This week Caitlyn Jenner published a new book "The Secrets of My Life". The new book is a memoir, so it looks to be different from past books she's published.

​How can someone who you never met in person possibly cause any misery by publishing a book you ask?

​You see, some folks are not happy with how Caitlyn has conducted herself over the past two years since she came out of the closet. You might be asking yourself, what did she do? Who did she hurt? Did she attack anyone? Well, she was involved in a deadly car accident in 2015 but that's not why some folks are upset with her.

I'll just let one of the girls I respect tell it like it is regarding how she see's Caitlyn's past actions  (screenshot taken from our Gender Fun Facebook Page)

There were some PROS posted as well but since this blog post is about misery let us not tip the scales just yet.

So let us shift our focus from Caitlyn and focus on the negative feelings people are experiencing over her actions and public presence.  Here are two examples from our Gender Fun Facebook Page of what these individuals think of Caitlyn.

And now lets go deeper.  Let's go to one of the big issues folks have with Jenner.

I think this might be at the core of so many people's unhappiness with Jenner.  On one hand she is like us, and on the other hand her experience as a trans individual is so unique and different it's hard for us to relate to her.  How many of us are Olympic male champions who became women in the public eye?  

I strongly believe that the Trans/Gender Non conforming community is longing for a champion and the disappointment of finding out that Jenner is not that champion is bubbling to the surface a collective individualized pain.  

I heard it once said that we are all role models and/or examples.  A role model is someone you look up to and an example is someone we try to avoid being like.  I think we can learn from Jenner's mistakes in the public eye without isolating her and making her an enemy.  She may have been a champion to many in her past but it seems she might be an example of what not to do in the present.  

Like I said on our Facebook Page 

Let us not compare our misery to that which Jenner went through.  Her experience is her own and her mistakes are hers to live with.

PS - if you want to hear some more misery I recommend you click HERE

Thursday, April 20, 2017

What is Cis Gender and Could you be IT?

I remember as if it were yesterday.  Years ago I was out on holiday with a couple of my gay male friends when out of the blue I told them that I was Transgender.  They immediately denied it and said to me “Adrian, no you're not, you’re a gay man."  I remember not fighting their perception of me but I made a mental note.  In hindsight I think it might have been easier for them to understand what I was telling them had I said to them that I was not Cis Gender.  I simply didn't have the language at the time.

It’s clear to me now that when you tell someone that you are transgender the first thing they think of is that you will be getting a sex change or that you will start living your life as the opposite sex.  When in reality you can be Transgender aka not Cis Gender and not transition all the way.  

Years later the term Cis Gender started to gain traction, thankfully, and its use can really explain to Cis Gender folks that not everyone subscribes or falls within the Gender Binary that society has created of Man and Woman.

What is the term Cis Gender and could you be it?  

We’re talking about GENDER

Open your mind, and get ready to see the world in a whole new light.

The following is mostly a transcript of Marie’s words from GenderIsOver.com on the Group text podcast published in April 2017

The dominant Westernized heterosexual centered narrative of gender is one that tells the story that we are all familiar.  When a baby is born the presence of a penis or a vagina determines if that child is going to be a boy or a girl. This we call assigned sex at birth.  

However Gender is about the societal roles also the way you view yourself and sex is about the anatomy you have.  So from the day you are born gender roles start to set after the moment you and your parents are aware of your genitalia.  Gender roles dictate the desire and appropriate acceptable appearances and behavior of someone based on their perceived sex. It’s like “stay at home and raise the children” or “be the bread winner.” Boys are expected to be masculine, girls are expected to be feminine. These are the gender roles that start happening based on the sex that you were assigned at birth {based on your genitals}. 

Thus, the Gender Binary is not viewed as a scale or a thing of exploration, it’s viewed as a social truth.  It’s viewed as MAN and it’s viewed as WOMAN. And people who don’t perform their Gender Role well, or people who resist their Gender Role, or people who don’t quite fit the mold exactly are often cast aside, put in physical harm, or they are ignored. 

We are expected to have a gender that matches the sex that was assigned to us.  If you were born with a penis you are supposed to be a “boy” and if you were born with a vagina you are supposed to be a “girl.” 

It’s important to note that this is a social script that we’ve been given, a script that we’ve been made to follow. It is not a necessary truth. It is a social role, script, and construct. 

For all of history there have been people trying to rewrite the script or people who don’t quite fit into the script.  This script systematically erases all of the examples of all humans that don’t fit within the binary.  [A good documentary piece that shows examples of this is Gender Revolution: A Journey with Katie Couric]

So what does it mean to be Cis Gender?

All that Cis Gender means is that the Gender you identify with matches the sex that you were assigned at birth. 

So if you are born with a penis and you are made to fill all the social norms that come along with that but you actually identify with something other than a man perhaps as a woman, or you identify with both genders, or you identify with neither...In these cases you would not be Cis Gender.  And that’s ok.  

The word Cis, what it does is it makes it clear that other forms of Gender expression are real and valid.  Being Cis is one of many ways to be rather than THE way to be. 


So, about those gay friends of mine that didn’t believe me to be Transgender years ago, well, I think they are coming around since I started electrolysis treatments on my face and neck, I’ve had my ears pierced, I’m growing out my hair, and am researching the effects of hormone treatment.  As in most things in life, I guess actions speak louder than words…but having the language to express your human experience is fundamental whether you are Cis Gender or not.  

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

​ Awesome Girls and Sexy Cars

Pic: (Touch 3D: Bugatti Veyron Girl)

Here in New York City The International Auto Show rolls into town this weekend! I'm going to make this short and sweet, you don't have to be born a man to find these driving machines super sexy. As a matter of fact, you don't even have to always or ever present as male to love these machines.

Me and Jennifer outside TC's bar in Houston 2016

​I met Jennifer McGill last year at a Houston bar while I was on my first Crossdressing Cross-Country Tour. She approached me while I was outside and we hit it off. She is a very cool cat...and her car? Jen's car is a sexy beast! If you follow Jen on Facebook you know that her great taste in cars extends to her many fabulous outfits.  I'm looking forward to visiting Houston again so Jen and I can drive around town in our fiercest outfits whistling out the window at guys and girls ;-)

Jennifer McGill and her sexy car

Another awesome girl with sexy cars is the very classy Angelina Mead King. I've not met Angelina yet but I can't wait to go for a ride with her. It's clear that fabulous stilettos and hot rods are her expertise. She moves fast so you better try to catch her on YouTube or Instagram.

Cars are not usually a topic of conversation me and my male-to-female clients discuss during their makeoversProbably because I don't want to accidentally stumble upon the question "what was your first car?" If I had to describe my first car I would die of embarrassment...ok fine, I'll tell you. I got my first car in 1998. It was a BROWN (like poop) four door 1985 VW Jetta. It was falling apart. The door handles wouldn't open from the outside. The floor had rusted to the point pieces decomposed leaving wholes. You could see the road moving right below your feet. The wholes weren't so bad since they helped drain the water that would seep into the cabin when it rained. As you can tell this was a bargain for the $800 I paid...or was it $500? Goes without saying, I was poor.

​These days I ride the subway in New York City (still poor) but I still love seeing sexy cars, especially the ones driven by awesome girls.  Maybe one day I'll own a sexy car...and be an awesome girl.

​What was your first car and what do you drive today?
Share your story and show off your car over on the FB Page click HERE