Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Mom, Dad, I'm Straight, and I enjoy Wearing Women's Clothes.

Today's viewer mail question is one that we were thrilled to answer.

"I am a straight guy and I love to crossdress. How do I come out of the closet to my parents?"

That is a very important question.

The short answer is:

Your crossdressing is none of your parents business. Telling them is more of a gift you share with them than an obligation. Some parents are more receptive than others with their child's gifts. But like any gift they may not like it and want to exchange it.

The slightly longer answer is:

Coming out of the closet means sharing something very personal of yourself with another person. It can be celebrated or it can be rejected. It's like going inside a cave, finding gold, then coming out into the sunlight only to find that the gold has turned into dust.

Crossdressing is your gold but to some people it's just dust. They don't understand the beauty in it. They may think it's ugly, silly, weird, or simply an abomination.

You know your parents better than I do so you would know how they would react to crossdressing. If you don't know how they feel about it you might want to test the waters first. Have a family movie night and watch the movie "Tootsie" to see how they react. They could very well be ok with the idea of their son wearing women's clothing for recreation.

Most parents, the good ones, simply want their child to be happy. If crossdressing makes you happy then it's just something they have to accept. After all, you are not hurting yourself or anyone else for that matter.

Crossdressing is like stepping into a particular house of emotion. I discuss the idea of emotions having their own houses in the book I'm writing, and I briefly mention it in this video at the 4:25 mark.

It's a simple concept. Think of each human emotion having a house of their own. Anger lives in a nasty concrete house. Love lives in a beautiful soft and warm house. Fear lives in a very dark house with no windows, etc.

Now think of yourself as the designer of each house. This means you can build and step into any emotional house you want. Architects and interior designers know about the emotional effects physical spaces have on the human mind. How many times have you walked into a room or building and felt a certain emotion? It happens all the time some times even when you are not aware.

Musicians also know about the emotional effects sounds have on us. As well as painters know about the emotional effects colors produce, etc.

Fashion designers better than anyone know about the effects clothes have on our emotions. And crossdressers are no different. When a man slips into women's clothing he feels a rush of emotion. He enters a feminine house that is simply divine.

Just like being in a stadium evokes a different feeling than being in a church, clothes can evoke different emotions as well by simply putting them on. Think of clothes as if they were songs. Some songs will make you happy while other songs will bring you to tears.

Most women, and some men know this about clothes. So why is it that society tends to suppress, restrict, and look down upon a man's desire to crossdress? Why are they not "allowed" to try out women's clothes to test the emotions they may evoke? Often times men will have a very fun experience wearing women's clothing. I have seen sexy straight frat guys during Halloween wearing skirts and pigtails and having the time of their lives. They have stepped into the feminine house of emotion.

Now that we got all that out of the way, lets get back to the question at hand: "How do I tell my parents that I'm a crossdresser?"

It's important to explain what crossdressing is and how it makes you feel to someone who is not familiar with it. Your parents may have a different or negative impression of what crossdressing is. That's why you have to bring them to the same place, the same understanding. You have to give your parents a tour of your fabulous crossdressing house. BUT they cannot forget that they are guests in YOUR emotional house so there better not be any disrespect on their part.

In the end, they may not celebrate your crossdressing but in time, if they are good parents, they will have to accept it because it is an aspect of your life that brings you great joy.

Few Practical Tips on telling your parents that you cross-dress:

- Have their full attention. Dinner time is good. Do not tell them while they are driving a vehicle.
- Do not tell them in front of company
- Tell a friend first
- Make sure you have a safety net of friends and/or relatives in case you are thrown out of the house
- Telling them while you are in the opposite gender's clothing might be a bit overwhelming for them so you might want to tell them in the clothes they are accustomed to seeing you in.
- Feel good about telling them. Don't feel ashamed. After all this is a part of who you are and your happy about it.
- You don't have to tell them both at the same time. If you get along better with your mom tell your mom first. Or tell your dad if you have a better connection with him.
- Have faith and be confident in your speech
- Make sure the tone of your voice reflects the fact that crossdressing makes you happy same as how children light up when talking about candy!
- Assure them that you will be ok and that you are still the same person they knew, but the bonus is that they get to learn a side of you they have never seen before.
- Let them know that you understand if they need time to process the information.
- If all else fails show them this post.

Thank you for writing to us.
Good luck and I hope this post helps you on your journey. Please take from this what works best for you. Everybody is different but we all have the same in common, we want to be accepted and loved.

Think it over and come out when it feels right. No need to put yourself in an unnecessary dangerous situation. I didn't have the luxury of coming out. I was outed at 17 years old when someone called my parents at 4am. It was a very scary time for me.

ps- please keep us updated on your progress. we wish you the best.
big big hugs!