Can We Grow Old and Gay?

In yesterday's post I replied to J, a 30 year old German man who was conflicted about his sexuality.

Today we discuss his second email to us in which he writes about his FEAR of growing old and gay.

J writes:

Additionally, what bothers me is the following:
I'm scared that I wouldn't be able to deal with discrimination and rejection and harassment. I have the fear that in reality, one cannot lead a happy life as a gay person. At least not past a certain age.
I have the fear that every gay person , sooner or later ends up unhappy and miserable, excluded from maintream society. I fear that every gay person becomes psychologically damaged over time. Because of the pressures of society. I know these fears are probably irrational.
But I haven't seen proof of something else.


Hi J,
thanks so much for reaching out to me.
I'm so humbled that you wrote so much in your other email and that you were so honest with me.

I understand 100% where you're coming from. I've been there too emotionally. It's a pretty dark place. But it's no place for you and I. You and I can recognize the great things in life. If you enjoy Amnesia (my alter ego) then you enjoy laughing and just letting your hair down. THAT IS ALSO PART OF LIFE. That's why I think Amnesia came into my life. Because often times I forget that life can be good and I need that physical reminder that I can be silly and I can enjoy myself, and I can't let other's opinion of me get me down. If you search within your heart you will find your inner Amnesia. You will find the J that knows how to have fun and be happy and make people feel good. That J probably comes out with a hobby, or while playing sports, or laughing with friends and family.

You know what FEAR does? FEAR makes you forget the beautiful, amazing human being you are inside. DON'T LET ANYONE rob you of your chance to be happy.

Happiness is something you have to practice every day. I'm still working on it myself. That's why I have Amnesia. She's my constant reminder, not only can I be happy but I DESERVE to be happy. Remind yourself of that happy J you have inside. Hold on to him.

Society has a long ways to catch up. They can't seem to understand that happiness comes in many shapes, sizes, cultures, sexual orientations, races etc. It takes time to open people's hearts to the truth but history has shown that the balance of justice always leans towards the pursuit of happiness.

These are the cards we have been dealt. We simply have to dig deep and find the courage to live our truth. It's then that we find internal peace. We ALL can find internal peace and happiness EVERY DAY. That's our daily task. It may come and go, but it's always there for us to tap into.

This is your life J and it has touched mine and in turn it will touch every person that comes across your words on GenderFun. You are making a difference right now. We are part of a very exiting time filled with change. Not only are we strong enough to handle the challenges life throws at us we have the power to educate others. This is our calling so that future generations don't have to go through the struggles we did, just like we didn't have to go through the horrors our LGBT brothers and sisters went through 40-60 years ago.

Now start making a list of all the wonderful things you would like in your life. A list of dreams and goals, and then set out to attract those things into your life. Life may throw you some curve balls along the way but in the end it's the journey that counts.

If you start filling your life with wonderful memories then it only makes sense that once we are old we will be able to look back at our lives with great pride, awe, and gratitude towards the people we encounter along the way. In other words, we are going to be a bunch of happy old folk!

much peace and love to you J.
I can't thank you enough.

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