Wednesday, September 24, 2014

What is the REAL FEAR Really?

Are you a man who enjoys dressing like a lady on your spare time? Do you ever leave your house or hotel room all dolled up? If you answered YES to the first question and NO to the second question then we need to talk.

I can't tell you the amount of times I've heard statements such as "I don't go out because I don't think I would pass," or "if only I would look more possible I would go out of the house dressed." Firstly, let me say that it's ok to have those reservations. Secondly, with all due respect, I would like to say GET OVER THIS WHOLE "PASSING" THING BEFORE YOUR LIFE PASSES YOU BY!

Of course you need to crawl before you walk, and walk before you run but if you are holding yourself back by using the "passing" excuse then you are not even taking baby steps. You are not moving. In other words you are not living

I do get it, after all I wrote a post about how to dress when going out (click HERE). I understand if you live in a place that is close minded. Those are very serious concerns. There is no need to put yourself in unesassary dangerous situation. But if you live in a city like NY or are visiting NY please don't use the "passing" excuse with me. Don't tell me you'd go out if only you were more passable. By telling me this you are lying to me, and I do not like to be lied to.

NY is a city where anything goes! Here you are free to walk out of the house wearing a garbage bag (I've actually seen that although I'm guessing the person seemed to not really have a house). My point is, you can be yourself in NY. But how can you be yourself if you keep holding yourself back by using the "passing" excuse?

Part of the TRAN'S journey is that we all look a bit rough when we first start putting ourselves together. Our wigs are all raggedy, we are horrible at applying makeup, and we can't walk in heels to save our lives. But if we don't practice how will we ever evolve? It's the same with going out. If you don't practice going out how will you ever get over your fear?

Let's break down that fear. What are you really afraid will happen when you leave the house all dolled up? Let's explore some scenarios other than getting physically assaulted which can happen but usually doesn't depending on where you live.

You may get called names like fag and freak
You may see some people point and stare
You may hear people laughing at you
And/or
Someone might complement and ask you where you got your outfit
You might get catcalls walking down the sidewalk
Someone might buy you a drink
Someone might ask for your number
Someone might want to go back to your place with you ;-)

What many Crossdressers who go out don't realize is that there are some really nice people out there, waitresses, cab drivers, etc who recognize you are a bit scared and they try to make small talk to show you that you are in a safe place. THAT is what going out is all about, doing small talk with strangers to show them you are not only in a safe place but YOU carry that safe place IN YOU. Realizing you had that safe place in you all along is like Dorothy realizing she had the power to go home throughout her journey in OZ.

Might as well put on them heels, go out, and follow the yellow brick road!