Imagine you're a crossdresser and your wife is not aware that you dress like a woman and go out to bars for drinks with your crossdressing friends. Now imagine your wife accidentally finds pictures of you dressed as a woman on the home computer. She flips out! She feels betrayed and lied to.
Now imagine that cross-dressing friend confides in you, what would you say?
Would it go a little something like this?
CD: My wife saw photos (of me dressed as a woman) on my computer last night. I'm so scared now I will lose her.
FRIEND: Oh boy. Stay strong
CD: I feel sick. I can't believe I let this happen.
FRIEND: Breathe. It's going to be ok.
CD: I don't know that it will. She can't look at me she feels betrayed and questions who and what I am
FRIEND: That's expected at this stage. She needs time to process this new reality.
CD: I don't know that she will be able to process this.
FRIEND: She has to because it's reality. Let her be upset, and when she calms down you can have an eye opening conversation about this very important part of your life.
Remember the marriage vows, for better or worse. These are the tough times that can make a marriage stronger. You have to guide her into this new future together.
CD: Or tear it apart. There is no future for this part of me of that I am sure
FRIEND: You have to focus on what you want and put your best foot forward. Now is not the time to think of a bad outcome.
CD: I need to make a choice and in my heart I have already made it. I have to bury this part of me or there will never be a chance of saving my marriage. If it's even salvageable.
FRIEND: Are you really going to suppress this for another 18 years AGAIN?
CD: If I have to make a choice yes I can.
FRIEND: There is nothing wrong with you. This is part of what makes you a complete individual
CD: The person I love the most in this world thinks there is something wrong with me
FRIEND: If you believe she is right then I suggest you two go to marriage counseling. The therapist will show her she is wrong. There is nothing wrong with you.
CD: It doesn't matter who's right
FRIEND: It does matter because otherwise one of you will be living in denial. I strongly suggest you both go see a therapist to smooth things out. Let me know if you need a referral.
CD: Thank you, I will let you know. But the only person she thinks needs a therapist is me.
FRIEND: That's a good starting point. After you go to a therapist for a couple of sessions the therapist will invite her to join so that she can better understand you.
What do you think this Crossdresser should do? Give up crossdressing in order to please the wife or should the Crossdresser do something else?