Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Penis, Vagina, or Both?

Self portrait Aug'06. Me and Me on Me.

​ Are you or someone you know struggling or have struggled with coming to terms with your sexual orientation or gender identity?

Recently I received a message on Instagram and it touched me so much that I felt compeled to write this blog post.

​ A cis (biological) girl sent me the following:

​ Hey my name is D and my ex boyfriend Chris E. follows you. He is a closet cross dresser and only I know his secret and unfortunately it's what caused us to break up. He thought he might be gay or bisexual so I became his best friend to try and help him figure out what works best for him becuse I love him with every ounce of my person and I want him to be happy. He told me that he's been suppressing it since he was 15 and when I helped him tell his parents, they weren't accepting so...

​ He's trying to suppress those feelings again by being with another girl. I once tried to do his makeup because he has a wig and it made him so happy and I was wondering how I could have you help him feel beautiful and happy again!

​ I truly believe this is what makes him happy and since this girl came in the picture he has come over to wear some of my stuff! He also looks amazing in heels! Would you be able to help me help him?

​ I am on a number of Social Media platforms, Instagram, Flikr, Facebook, and Youtube. Naturally I get a lot of messages from awesome folks wanting to chat, wanting advice, and/or get to know me better. Unfortunatly because of time constraints I can't do a back and forth with everyone this is why I hope to launch the Gender Fun Skype Sessions soon. I'm still working on the logistics such as scheduling appointments, and honestly finding the time in my busy schedule.

​ The reason I wanted to address the above message from D is because she is touching on two very important struggles gender-benders (crossdressers) face when they are in the closet: that of gender identity and sexual orientaiton.

​ I've been conducting Male-to-Female makeovers for the past four years and this is a personal struggle we talk about while my client is in the makeup chair.

​ Before they enter my studio I have my client fill out a questionnaire. Questions focus on how tall they are, shoe size, weight, what hair color is their favorite, their style, whether they've had other makeovers, are in or out of the closet etc.

​ At the very end of the questionnaire I include some optional question. Some girls fill it out and others leave it blank. These questions tell me a lot about my client's inner workings when it comes to their sexual orientation and gender identity, and especially about their boundaries.

​ The following questions are optional:

​ Do you like being treated as a naughty girl?
Yes
No
Curious to try it

​ Do you like it when your skirt is lifted and you are spanked?
Yes
No
Curious to try it

​ Do you enjoy playing with your breast in front of the mirror?
Yes
No
Curious to try it

​ Do you like it when someone plays with your breasts?
Yes
No
Curious to try it

​ Do you get aroused when wearing women's clothes?
Yes
No

​ Have you ever ejaculated while wearing panties?
Yes
No

​ Have you fantasized of having a lesbian experience as your girl self?
Yes
No

​ Have you fantasized of kissing a man while as your girl self?
Yes
No

​ Have you fantasized of kissing another cross dresser while as your girl self?
Yes
No

​ You see, I like to learn about my client's boundaries before they step foot into my studio. I pride myself in creating a "judge free zone." My studio is a "safe space" where no topic is off limit. I also respect my client's "personal space." If they are shy and are not comfortable with somoene else touching their bodies such as me ajusting their bra then I know they would rather be treated like a lady.

Some of my clients on the other hand are a bit more playful and free spirited so they don't mind me seeing them wearing only a bra and panties. Some even get erections while I do their makeup.  That's totally normal.

That being said just because a "guy" likes to crossdress doesn't mean he is not a lady inside. Not all crossdressers want to dress like and be sluts...although that is fun too.

​ Going back to the topic of sexual orientation. I'm going to try to make this as simple as possible. Please forgive me if it comes across as crass.

Sexuality is not simply Gay and Straight 

Sexuality is a spectrum 

especially when you combine gender identity and gender expression.

​ This is what I learned from my clients.

I'm going to try to explain the following without using terms such as gay, straight, bi etc.

​- All my clients have penises.

- ALL of my clients enjoy having sex with women that have a vagina.

-The majority of my clients have told me that they are NOT attracted to cis guys, meaning individuals that display masculinity and have penises.

- However, some of my clients are attracted to guys that have a penis if
a) the guy is dressed like a woman (a crossdresser)
b) if the guy is dressed like a guy but my client is dressed like a woman

- The majority of my clients, if not all of them, are attracted to trans women (pre or post op)

- ​Almost 100% of my clients are not attracted to gay men, unless it's a gay man dressed like a woman.

- ​A common theme amongst many of my clients is that unlike your "traditional straight guy" who is grossed out by a penis, some of my clients don't mind getting intimate with someone who has a penis, especially if the person with a penis is displaying feminine traits such as Trans women or crossdressers.

​ My point is that many crossdressers are open to their partners having a penis OR a vagina.

In fact, if their partner wasn't born with a penis (cis woman), some of my clients would be open to their cis woman partner wearing a strap-on and flip flopping during sex. To many of my clients that would be ideal while they are dressed as women.  However, because many cis women don't have experience topping their boyfriends or husbands its usually the cis woman that says no.

A guy that is into being penetrated is not limited to those who enjoy dressing like a woman.  There are plenty of men out there that don't enjoy dressing as women but yet have discovered that their G spot is found in their anus and enjoy it when they are penetrated.  This is clear from reading the comments in my video "Straight Men Who Love Femininity"

Of course the pleasure goes beyond being penetrated.  It can also be about being dominant or submissive.  Traditionally speaking men are dominant and women are submissive in bed.  There is a good number of men who enjoy being submissive in bed.   After all, these men are, on a daily bases, Alfa males or are expected to be Alfa males, so it's a delight for them to let go completely when they are sexual with a partner.  Women don't need to penetrate their boyfriends or husbands but they might be surprised how well their partners will react if they were the dominant ones.

At the end of the day I think society has some catching up to do when it comes to understanding men who were assigned male at birth but who also enjoy both penises and vaginas, being dominant and being submissive...especially when it comes to back door action.

I believe little by little men will start owning the fact that they enjoy being penetrated and women will start learning and enjoying penetrating the men they love.