My Unbearable Crossdressing Husband
Since he came out of the closet to me about his crossdressing all he talks about is girly stuff here and girly stuff there. It’s unbearable. I miss my old husband. This new husband, all he wants to do is go shopping for dresses and heels and get his nails done. On weekends he spends hours parading around the house in heels and attempting to put on makeup, horribly btw.
When he’s not dressing up at home he’s online chatting with other crossdressers or who knows who. He is probably also chatting with men looking to hook up with him while he’s dressed in femme since he’s uploaded pics of himself in lingerie to Flickr and Fetlife. He clearly wants to suck another man’s penis while he’s dressed as a woman but he keeps telling me he’s not gay. That’s so annoying. Why can’t he just admit he’s bisexual or pansexual? He’s clearly not “straight.”
And OMG if he tells me one more time how much he loves to shave his legs, I’ll just explode. Ok, I get it, you like feeling like you’re a real woman, can we move on and talk about something else that’s not you and your femme time? He’s so self-involved. Oh, and did I mention he keeps saying he’s Transgender and he wants to go on hormones? He doesn’t really, he’s just saying that to see how I respond. The reality is he doesn’t really want to live full-time as a woman. That’s just a fantasy, a dream of his, but trust me he’s never going to go through with it.
You should see how tired he gets from being in femme after a while. It’s a cycle with him. I’ve seen it before. Like someone who is bipolar, he has these great fantastic femme highs and after a while he comes down and goes back to the old algorithm of his male life. Transitioning to being a full-time woman means he would have to come out of the closet at work, to his family and friends. He really doesn’t want to do that. Give up his “SAFE” life in the closet? No way. He doesn’t really want to completely leave his male life behind.
Still, he keeps telling me he wants to go on hormones. Ok sure, “go ahead” I tell him. But he’s never even looked up an endocrinologist. Oh, and let’s talk about facial hair. I asked him “are you going to get electrolysis or laser?” “Of course” he says “yeah I want a smooth face.” But the reality is those procedures take time to complete and he never sets time aside to do them. He comes up with the excuse that he doesn’t have the time or money. BS, if he spent less time parading around the house in heels and spending all his money on dresses and heels he’d have plenty of time and money for electrolysis or laser. Just another example how he clearly wants to live with the fantasy of someday becoming a woman instead of the reality of taking action in becoming a woman.
He just doesn’t want to deal with the REAL LIFE CHALLENGES that come with being a Transwoman full-time, so instead he keeps saying he’s going to do things he will never do. Which is super annoying. You know what annoys me the most? The fact that he keeps telling me how much he regrets not coming out of the closet earlier and not transitioning when he was younger. I’m not saying that his regret isn’t real, but if he really really regrets not transitioning when he was young then why the hell is he not taking the steps now to transition? Shit or get off the pot man.
Let me be clear, I love my husband dearly, I do, otherwise I would have left him a long time ago. I just wish he would wake up and be honest with himself. If he really wants to transition and become a woman full-time I support him 100%. I don’t care if he’s masculine or feminine as long as he goes back to showing that caring side he used to show me. That side that made me feel we were working towards a common goal. That side that said “it’s you and me against the world baby.” Back then it felt like I was actually in the relationship. He actually cared about me and listen to what I had to say. He would ask me “how was your day” and actually stop to focus on me and listen to what I had gone through emotionally that day. Now he’s too busy in this “femme high” to care to listen to my emotional lows. I feel alone in this relationship. I feel lonely in this relationship. It’s like another woman has come between us, and that other woman is taking all of my husband’s attention. I don’t want to hate her because in way she’s making him happy, and I love him. But something has got to give. They need to meet me in the middle or I will have to let my husband go. I will surrender him to that woman inside him. They can both go live their lives without me. Because unlike him, I don’t want to live in a fantasy world, I want to live in the real world.
The above is a fictional account of what I imagine some women who are in relationships with crossdressers experience emotionally. Of course not all accounts are like the above, but I bet some of my readers can relate.