Straight Guys, Who’s Coming to Dinner?

Have you seen the 1967 film Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? IMDB describes it as "A couple's attitudes are challenged when their daughter introduces them to her African-American fiancΓ©."  The film came out in 1967 at the height of racial tensions in the US, before we solved racism. Look at us now, over half a century since the release of that film and not a racist left in this country *sarcasm*

As you may have heard, if you follow me on social media, this year (2021) I started living with two straight guy roommates in their late twenties. We've already had some Three is Company style fun. I really like these guys. They are solid people.

When I was interviewing potential roommates, I had no idea they were both in interracial relationships like myself. My White roommate is dating a Latina from Venezuela. My Black roommate is dating a Jewish White woman, and me, I'm still enamored with my Chinese guy I met back in 2019. I guess you can say we embrace diversity even if our families rather we date someone "more like us."

Going back to the film for a sec. Imagine a remake of that iconic movie now in 2021 but this time with a straight guy from the deeeeeep South bringing home a Transwoman to dinner. What drama would ensue? Especially if the straight guy didn't give his family a heads-up that he was dating a Transwoman or a Gender Variant person. 

 With that in mind on 5/31/21 I asked the following question on my Instagram

"If I was coming over to have dinner with your family, 
how would you describe me to them prior to me getting there?"


Here are some of the very interesting answers my fabulous IG Followers gave:

- As my friend
- Beautiful honest person, not what you’d expect but more than you could wish for
- Crazy
- Fabulous.
- My Bettah half!!
- My friend Amnesia is coming for dinner. PERIOD what’s there to describe
- Oh I would tell them you are pretty like Cindy Crawford
- One of the most interesting and stylish personalities that I have experienced in this shared gender journey of ours.
- So the most amazing person is coming over for dinner. I’ll probably ignore you completely (unless you came out of my vagina) while I devote all of my attention to them. Don’t take it personal. 
- There’s this wonderful person who wants to spend time with me and I want you to know them. That’s all I would need to say. My family is open and accepting. I have trans relatives so there’s no problem at all with you meeting my family.
- Tough but good question
- Well I would start out by saying that you were a beautiful role model !
- This is my friend Adrian from nyc πŸ˜€
- Witty, great sense of humor. Drop dead gorgeous ☺️
- You are one of my best friends/ from NY Brooklyn/ smart witty / vegan ha/ raised in Florida/ we met on social media became good friends from there (they know I make friends easily and trust my judgment) I would not bring up you are trans unless you want to bring it up them or another time my family are cool 😎 like that. Your personality is what makes your presence and presentation.
- You would never see them haha. Only my sister
- Hi Mom. I am bringing My gorgeous girlfriend with me. You will love her!
- Ma she's is fiiiiiine !
- My amazing gorgeous girl it’s coming to meet you all !
- My dream girl X
- She is a tall drink of water with many tales to tell 🌹🌹🌺🌺 hehe but seriously you are a soecial lady with artistic talents and a care for civil rights and humanitarian. A fashionable diva a true lady whom will stay for dessert and coffee ☕️ 🌺🌺❤️❤️😎😎😎
- She's fun, amazing, sweet
- You’re a QuπŸ‘‘πŸ‘‘n!!
- A queen πŸ’‍♀‍

The first thing that I noticed was how none of them specifically mentioned that based on my birth certificate and driver's license they are bringing home a MALE.  I’m 5’ 10” tall. I don’t really have a very naturally feminine voice. It’s not as macho as Caitlyn Jenner’s voice but it certainly is not a woman’s voice. Not to mention, I don’t consider myself a woman or a Transwoman even though I’ve been on hormones since 2018.   So, you can imagine the parent’s faces full of shock the moment I walk in and say “Hello?!”
 
Some folks reading this who are not, were not, and might never be in the position of bringing home a Transwoman or Gender Variant individual to dinner might be idealists and say things like "it shouldn't matter if they are Trans, my family would be ok with it." or they might say, "I don't care if my family accepts my Trans partner/friend, I think they are great." Those types of responses from folks who would never find themselves in that situation, although well intended, are simply a copout. We all know that at a deeper level, parents will always have an opinion about their kid's partners.  Wouldn't you want to maybe clear things up before you bring someone home? Or would you rather just rip off the band aid and enjoy the comedy of making your parents feel uncomfortable? 

Some men fantasize about being with a Transwoman or gender variant individual, but they rarely think of IF or HOW they would introduce us to their friends and family. That's usually because these men want to stay hidden in the closet about their attraction to Transwomen and Gender Variant individuals. I wrote about it in a blog a while back titled THEY WANT SEX FROM US WHILE THEY WATCH US DIE

Some of these guys compartmentalize their lives and they don't want their relationship with a gender variant individual to bleed into their work, friend, or family life. Some are ashamed and/or fearful that they will lose friends or family if they publicly declare their love for a Trans individual. They may not want to deal with the judgment they will face from their loved ones.  They may not have the confidence to stand tall and strong in their truth.  Some men feel hostage by the idea that they will not be able to get ahead in life if they are partnered with a marginalized individual.  And some guys flat out are selfish and just want to be with Trans folk to get their rocks off

In my forty two years on this Earth I've only had one of my boyfriends ever invite me to have dinner with his parents.  This was way before I started "transitioning" in the early to mid 2000s.  The world simply saw me as one of them GAYS back then whom by law couldn't marry someone of the same sex here in the US.   Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever meet a partner that will open their world to me. A parter in life that understands that LIFE also happens outside the bedroom.  A partner who embraces the fact that our connection is not based on the conventional narrative, but a deeper understanding of each other, of respect, and loyalty.  I would treat them with kindness and in return they would teach me patience, and with great fortitude and humility we would conquer any obstacle that comes our way... even dinner with MY parents.  *OY, lets not stay for too long, they can be a bit much* 
;-) 

 

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