The Grindr Effect



I live in New York City, population nearing nine million people as of 2021.  
A survey in 2016, from the Williams Institute, estimated that 0.6% of U.S. adults identify as Transgender.
I DO NOT identify as a Transwoman but if you think of Transgender as an "umbrella term" and  Transfeminine falling under that umbrella then you could say I am Transgender. 
It's hard to say what percentage of the population is attracted to Transfeminine individuals like myself since many folks are in the closet regarding their attraction to those who fall outside the traditional gender norms.  

One of my profile pics on Grindr

As someone who in my early twenties worked for a market research company for three years I can't help but sometimes see the world through that lens.  My mind inadvertently begins to see patterns all around me, especially when it comes to human behavior and consumer habits. 
If we think of ourselves as a product to be consumed on a dating app then anyone interested in us is a consumer.  You see something you like, someone you would like to "get to know" and you reach out to make that connection in hopes that you can "have them."  

One of my profile pics on Grindr

Grindr is a location-based social networking and online dating application for gay, bi, trans, and queer people, and men who have sex with men, or at least that's what Wikipedia would like you to believe.  For those of us on the gender spectrum who present in a feminine fashion Grindr can be a petri dish of horny guys thirsty for a sexual encounter with a Trans person.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you can't meet someone on Grindr with whom you have a genuine connection, but finding someone like that can be like finding a needle in a stack of needles.  In other words, a stack full of pricks. 

One of my profile pics on Grindr

I'm 42 years old, I wasn't born yesterday, so when I log on to Grindr I know what I'm in for.  So it may not come as a surprise when I tell you I have a strategy when I use this "dating" app.  

My Current Grindr Strategy

1. I log on to Grindr.
2. I wait. Sometimes I just walk away from my phone as it is logged on to Grindr.
3. I check my messages.
4. I eliminate anyone who doesn't have a profile pic, or doesn't sends me a pic of themselves in the first message, or sends me a pic that doesn't evoke a positive feeling in me.
5. I "pin" those I think might be good candidates to meet in person.
6. I log off.
7. After some time has passed I log back on.
8. I eliminate anyone who sends me a dick pic, or seems thirsty or needy.
9. I only respond to those who seem like a decent human being.

Screenshot from my phone 

Usually before I embark on step #7 my Grindr notifications look like the above screenshot. My in-box is full of guys wanting my attention.   

This is where I begin the elimination process based on my "NO Suitor" market research categories.  
The "NO Suitors" are the individuals who will most likely not have a chance to "get to know me." 

The NO Suitors

1. The guy who fishes for complements 
2. Wants you to stroke his ego (the playa or player)
3. Generous (offers you money for sex)
4. The "come over" guy. He orders sex like ordering a pizza
5. The guy who gets offended if you don't reply right away
6. The "Slave" the bdsm guy who wants you to make him his slave
7. The "curious" guy who wants to be with a trans person for the first time.
8. The "bored" guy
9. The guy who is visiting and will fly out in a few days
10. The Sex addict. He's desperate to get off and says things like "please respond"
11. The cheater. He tells you his girlfriend or wife is out of town
12. The Swinger who is looking for a third
13. The old man. He wants company because he's lonely
14. The student. He's young and wants to experiment
15. The Crossdresser who wants you to feminize them and have "fun"
16. The online admirer who is far away but wants your attention even though you'll never meet in person. 



One of my profile pics on Grindr

This screening process can be comical if it weren't for the current statistics regarding violence towards gender variant folks. To think we are living in a time where trying to meet someone for a cup of coffee can lead to one's death is insane.  Yet here we are. It is human to want to share of ourselves and be intimate with someone special but it's smart to stay safe.  There is so much in life we have no control over but we can control who we invite into our lives.  If they are not going to lift us up, then they can move on.  Living life outside the gender norms is challenging enough, we don't need anyone else bringing us down. 

That's our daily grind-r.

 











 

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