3 Zones and A Trans, Part I

Me Valentine's Day 2019

People can be split into two distinctive categories: those who enjoy dating and those who despise dating. Some folks start out as the former and a decade of bad dates later become the latter. Which category do I fall into you ask?

In 2019 I was two years into  my “transition” and in full swing dipping my toes in the dating pool….well…more like the dating/hooking-up pool. On Valentine’s day 2019 I had a very sexy pasty white smart hung Jewish guy come over my place for a “play date.” I texted him and asked him to pick up a bottle of wine on his way. He replied saying he couldn’t since he was only 19 years old!!!!! Mind you, on Grindr he presented himself as a 21 year old. Red flag, I know. But he was already on his way and he did say he was legal, so even though I was 39 at the time I didn’t make a big deal out of it. It was going to be a night of physical exploration anyway. Nothing serious.

We pretty much lost sight of each other after our 2019 encounter.  At the end of 2022 he texted me, out of the blue, telling me he was in town and wanted round two. The holidays and a busy schedule got in the way during his short visit so we didn’t connect physically but he said he’d be back the first week of January 2023. This is when our insightful text conversation took place.

Currently he is 23 and I’m 43.

HIM: hey! how's 2023 treating u

ME: Honestly, the past two days I've been contemplating not dating/ hooking up for a while lol hbu?

HIM: what's made u contemplate this?

ME: Lately my phone has been blowing up with past guys I've talked to who want to hook up. So, I'm wondering if I should sleep with all of them just because I can lol. Idk. Maybe it's time I start looking for something more than easy ass haha.

HIM: that makes sense I suppose, I mean do u like sleeping w past guys who blow up your phone, or not so much? I mean if it makes u feel good u can do both (obviously I have some invested interest in this) but if it doesn't that's obviously a real sign

ME: Oh, the sex is always a great time, but afterwards I'm left wondering if I should focus on finding something more concrete. So, maybe I need to pause hookups until I figure it out.

Me Valentine's Day 2019

HIM: I always sorta feel like sleeping around casually dating, whatever, is like a step towards building something. like increasing intimacy with people, flexing that social muscle etc. plus, like u said it's a good time! Although now I just sound like I'm trying to convince u lol

ME: Ha! Oh, don't get me wrong, I agree with your view but then when we add the age difference to some of these guys, a bunch of them are 17-20 years younger than me. How could we ever build something more than just mind blowing sex?...not sure it would be realistic.

HIM: true, true. I could see that. I guess maybe I think like even hooking up w ppl u don't actually see a future w (so long as everything's nice and happy and healthy) can be nice too, just like on the grounds that it keeps that social muscle strong. like idk I feel like the more even sorta casual romantic/sensual/intimate stuff I have in my life, the more comfortable and open I am w that. but as I type this, I realize this might be a personal issue better discussed w my therapist, but hey, don't we all do this sometimes.

ME: you have a very valid point. But I've had 20 more years than you to practice that. I might need a break from the casual physical stuff :-) Maybe this slut is growing up after all lol

So, if a slut only knows what it’s like to be in the “slut zone” what other zones could there be?

How about we narrow it down to these three zones ?

1. The Friend Zone
2. The Lover/FWB/Slut Zone
3. The Potential Long Term Relationship (LTR) Zone

Me Valentine's Day 2019 

It’s been well over a decade since  I’ve found myself in Zone 3 with anyone. There is no one really to blame for that is there? LTR can be hard to come by these days? Sometimes I wonder why that is? In a world where we can easily be so independent what keeps people together long term?….is it the prospect of raising kids? And is not wanting to raise kids an ultimate deal breaker? I think it might be?

I’ve asked myself, at my current age (43), do I want to raise kids or even be with a man who has kids or a man who wants to raise kids?  Because lets' face it, isn't that what Zone 3 is about traditionally speaking?  Two people coming together to raise kids?  

But then I think, what if I want someone who is looking to share the rest of their life with me, without kids, what would that look like?  

To be continued....

Part II click HERE


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