3 Zones and A Trans, Part III


We have all been there at one point or another.  We've all found ourselves walking away from a conversation thinking to ourselves "God, I wish I hadn't said that." Regret hits especially hard when its a conversation had with someone you fancy. Did you really blow your chance of making a good first impression? Will you ever get a second chance? 

 Let me help you out. Pull up a chair.

In Part I we discussed how I'm soon to NOT be a slut anymore. YAY for me, sorry for you.

In Part II we presented an example of how playing DM Russian Roulette a guy crashed and burned with me.

Welcome to Part III.

You're probably wondering what did the guy say in Part II  that turned me off?  And how can you learn from his mistake to give you an advantage?  

Let's break it down.

He predominantly focused on sexual orientation and gender identity right off the bat.  This when we haven't met in person, we haven't even had a facetime chat.  Not to mention his grammar suggests to me English might not be his first language.  His grammar doesn't quite match his profile pic of a very fit white guy. They got Catfish written all over them.  

The third category he focused on, which is a theme in these types of DM conversations, is the “qualifying questions” they ask.  My interpretation is that they ask them to gage if they have a chance at getting with me. Let me show you what I mean.

His FIRST question to me was (about my sexual orientation):
“you now into guys?”

His SECOND question to me was (about my gender identity):
“why you first started cross dressing?”

His third question to me was (“qualifying question” to see if someone his age has a chance with me):
“you date younger guys?”

His follow-up questions are in the same category:
“so what you want from a guy?”
“so who your dream guy?”

And the rest of his questions to me are back to sexual orientation and gender identity:
"do you miss being a guy?"
"I thought you had a sex change?"
"you were into women at first?"
"now you only into guys?"

To start off, those are only his questions to me. The rest of the conversation is simply peppered with his comments about my physical appearance:

“hot girl “
“you have the most gorgeous long legs”
“I bet you love wearing thigh high boots”
“you were still a hot guy as well”
“i love your eyes and lips”
“you like a dream girl for a guy”
“you’re still sexy in the morning”

Flattering yes, but it doesn't add anything of substance to the conversation. 

Here's my assessment:

As I mentioned in my Grindr blog post, I have a list of No Suitors. The guys who fall in these categories have a very very very slim chance at winning me over.  My best guess is that this guy falls in a number of categories from that list, such as:

#7. The "curious" guy who wants to be with a trans person for the first time.

#8. The "bored" guy

#16. The online admirer who is far away but wants your attention even though you'll never meet in person. 


I wouldn't be surprised if he also falls under these other categories as well:


#14. The student. He's young and wants to experiment

#15. The Crossdresser who wants you to feminize them and have "fun"


Do you think a straight guy would ask a straight woman about her gender identity and sexual orientation? Probably not at first, and probably not ever!  True, I’m not a straight woman but this line of questioning puts gender identity and sexual orientation in the forefront of the initial interaction.  Want to know a secret?  I usually keep those two aspects in the background of my personal relationships.  They are the least interesting aspects and topics to explore when building a long term relationship.   


For a guy who I’ve never met in person to bring these things up in our initial conversation leads me to believe they are in their own exploration phase and are attempting to come to terms with their own personal "taboo" desires. They are looking for someone they can be comfortable discussing these things online. They may not, in many cases, really want to meet up in person at all. They are simply too deep in the closet.  In other words, they are not ready to be in Zone #3 with me.  Thank you, Next.



1. The Friend Zone
2. The Lover/FWB Zone
3. The Potential Boyfriend Zone

So then, what are the right things to say to have a better chance to fall into Zone #3 with me and potentially with other Trans and gender variant individuals?  Let's explore that in Part IV.

To be continued...

 

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