I Won’t Fight You on That

The internet, social media in particular, has become a place where people go to fight with words. If you follow astrology, even just for fun, you know that Aries is ruled by the planet Mars “The God of War.” I’m an Aries but I like to think of myself as a Lover and not a Fighter. That being said, I don’t shy away from a good confrontation. However, in my "old age," soon to be 44 years old, I’ve learned to choose my battles wisely. There are certain arguments I will no longer entertain. Especially when it comes to my Gender Expression.

In recent years there has been a certain mainstream narrative of what it means to be "Trans."  The narrative is mostly binary.  Meaning, you are either a man or a woman.  In the collective consciousness when people hear the word "Trans" they envision someone who transitioned from Male to Female or Female to Male.  This narrative excludes all other gender variant individuals, including myself.  I began my "transition" in 2017.  Back then folks were wondering if that meant I was transitioning from Male to Female. This prompted me to make an announcement. Three years later I was compelled to explain why I don't tell people I'm a woman.  

Message sent to me by a cis woman 

Most of us are conditioned to believe that perception is reality.  When some folks see my image online, and because of the current popular "Trans narrative," they may believe that I consider myself a "woman."   What better way to trigger a trans woman than to go online and tell them "YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN." That statement has no effect on me.  Because as stated before I don't go around telling people I'm a woman.   This is a fight they won't win with me.  Simply put, I won't fight them on that, because that statement says more about them than it does about me. 

Message sent to me by another cis woman 

Folks calling me a "man" and telling me that "putting on a dress and makeup doesn't make me a woman" doesn't make me want to fight them.  You know why, because I agree with them.  Instead, what those kinds of statements do is bring up in me feelings of pity for them.  Those words directed towards me tells me they a) don't know me personally and  b) are stuck in this current narrow trans narrative.  

What it means to be a man or a woman can be more complicated than the physical attributes we were born with.  What it means to be Male or Female can get tricky on the cellular level. What is pretty certain is that there are some anti-trans folks online trying to trigger trans individuals into pointless fights and arguments about labels.  As a trans person you have the choice, to engage in their ignorance or simply take a step back and say "that's what it says on my driver's license."   


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