3 Zones and A Trans, Part IV
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and for some of us so is Singles Awareness Day. What better time than now to explore the fourth and final part of this blog post series.
In Part I we discussed how I'm soon to NOT be a slut anymore. YAY for me, sorry for you.In Part II we presented an example of how playing DM Russian Roulette a guy crashed and burned with me.
In Part III we broke down the disastrous conversation from Part II.
Welcome to Part IV.
1. The Friend Zone
2. The Lover/FWB Zone
3. The Potential Boyfriend Zone
As I mentioned in my Grindr blog post, I have a list of "No Suitors." The guys who fall in those categories have a very slim chance at winning me over. What does this mean if you are a person who doesn’t fall in one of those categories and you’d like to get to know me? Here are a few things you can say or do to impress me.
Just tell the truth. Sounds simple right? You'd be surprised how hard it is for some folks to be honest. Especially when they tell lies to impress or manipulate someone in order to get what they want. Usually what some men want is for someone to "get them off." Don't be that person. Let me like you for who you are or else I will hate you for making me like a lie.
If you're the “traditional type" who likes to buy me gifts out of the blue, I would love it if the items you purchase are things I mentioned I would one day like to have. Getting a sexy dress, heels, and lingerie as gifts when I didn’t mention I wanted them just comes across as a “John” paying for his “woman” to look sexy for him, it feels “transactional.” It feels like “hey baby, I want you to model this for me,” which unless we’ve been together for a long time it just sounds creepy. Give gifts from the heart, not from your pants.
One of the first things I would love to hear from a guy that is interested in dating me is “Hey Adrian, just so you know, I’m out of the closet.” You know what I hear when someone says that? I hear that we are not confined to only seeing each other in secret away from the world. It means we are free to go to his local bar or nearby restaurant without fear that he's going to be seen with me. As if I'm some sort of horrible shameful thing that no one should know about. It means he’s learning to accept himself and maybe even started overcoming any shame he may have felt growing up for liking who he likes. It tells me he might be open to sharing with me (down the road) what it felt like for him growing up being a bit different from the other dudes. Maybe we can even have a real conversation like that over dinner, and it not feeling like it's too heavy.
If you tell me your motto is “Slow down, and slow dance,” you got my attention. There is something special in slow dancing, especially in this fast-paced world. To be embraced, to embrace another and sway to the beat of a lovely melody says to me “these two are going to be alright tonight.” If you want to gain my trust, you must make me feel safe in your arms. Slow dancing is not pointless, it’s a trust building exercise. And if you “dip” me, then I really know who I’m working with. A dip during a dance is the ultimate trust exercise.
Listen I get it, I know that on the surface I may look a certain way. You may feel physically attracted to me but that doesn’t mean you ever thought of yourself being in a serious relationship with someone like me. I know I don’t fit in the traditional mold. But this is who I am, and I know what I want. I want to be with someone who is real, honest, and unafraid. I want to be with someone who knows that the world may not approve of us but who is also not seeking the world’s approval. I want to be with someone who feels happy to be with me when we are together and misses me when we are apart. And I want someone who challenges me when I’m stuck in my ways. And boy, can I be stuck in my ways. I know that for the longest time I've been self-aware, and self-reliant, and self-possessed, but at the end of the day I need someone to bring me out of myself and show me the beauty of what Life can be when we allow ourselves to be loved by someone else. If that’s too much to ask, then I guess Zone 3 is not for you. But if you are up for the challenge, how about if we slow dance?
